Mom is constantly angry with my sister

Jteach

My Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers in the fall of 2022. She is understandably having a very hard time with the loss of her financial independence and is constantly accusing my sister of controlling her. We have POA and I tell her we're making the decisions together, but her anger is focused on my sister, who is the primary caregiver since I live out of state. Redirection seems to help most of the time.

My grandmother was the same way in the later stages of Alzheimers; her anger was focused on my grandfather, also related to money/finances.

Is it common that their anger is mostly focused on the primary caregiver?

easy23

My parents moved in with my sister and BIL; and my mother's dementia progressed over the course of 8 months. She was on hospice care for COPD.

She became very agitated and took it out on my sister. I could do no wrong. Hospice put my mom on risperidone, which did seem to help. Unfortunately, my mother developed a delusion that my sister was having an affair with my father. We wound up having to place her in AL where she was doing better. She caught a respiratory virus while there and died after a month's stay.

Hope5757

Yes - the most vehement anger is almost always directed at the primary caregiver.

It’s a common issue and you’ll see many instances on the forum.

In my situation, my SIL took care of my MIL during stage 3/4 when financial decisions were made and MIL’s house and car were sold. Even now, with MIL at stage 6, SIL still bears the brunt of the blame.

tbc0

My father began lashing out at his primary caregiver, my stepmom. She seems to have borne the brunt of his AD-induced hostility. He was a bit of a curmudgeon, but he treated her well. With AD it seemed he lost his filter. As the disease progressed, he had less and less energy to lash out. My stepmom counts it as a blessing even as we all mourn the fading of his personality. (We also especially feel blessed that he continues to recognize us, the immediate family, and his friends and family who visit him.)

elainechem

Absolutely! My hubby had early onset Alzheimer's. He was still working when he became symptomatic. His supervisor tried to work with him, but he just wasn't able to perform at his old level anymore. She made the difficult decision to force him into early retirement unless I was able to make him retire voluntarily. I did get him to retire, but he was very angry at his supervisor. And then he started staying home with me all day. His anger quickly switched to me. It stayed that way for many years. Whoever is seen as being "in charge" of their lives becomes the target for their anger. This is because they view the primary caregiver as the one who is taking away all of their freedoms. And it's absolutely true. We are restricting what they can do. It's necessary, but the person with dementia doesn't see it that way.

H1235

My mom lived with my brother for over a year before we moved her to AL. But he tended to be more laid back about things. In my opinion allowing things that were not healthy for her. I handle all the finances, medication and doctors visits. I took the brunt of her anger. Probably because I was taking her independence away. I think that’s what it boils down to. Who does the pwd see as the one taking their independence away.