toilet mishaps

Maru

My DH has beenjust been diagnosed with early Alz but now occasionally misses the toilet at night, which he has never done before. I am less concerned about the clean up aspect of this than I am of the fear that this is a sign of progression. I welcome any and all thoughts about this.

harshedbuzz

@Maru

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

It's hard to say why this is happening exactly. A number of scenarios come to mind.

Are these near misses or off-the-mark entirely. Relieving himself in the hamper is a different situation than spraying the floor near the toilet. If it's the latter, it could be a function of a couple of different dementia symptoms.

It could be he's cleaned up himself when this has happened in the past and what you're seeing is a loss of social filter (knowing it's not OK to leave your pee for someone else to deal with), empathy (knowing he should tidy up but doesn't want to or executive function (knowing and implementing the steps to take when he's misses). There could also me some element of increasing impairment around visual processing and judging distance. In some respects, this is similar to when a PWD sideswipes cars trying to park or make a turn.

HB

Maru

I suspect DH has some impairment regarding distance judgement, so that is a possibility. The fact that this is twice in one week is both startling and frightening to me. I reminded him to be more careful the first time it happened, but if this is progression of the disease, there is no point to that and would only be demeaning to him. On top of that, he forgot to wipe down the shower after he used it. This is new, as well.

All of a sudden, the reality of his diagnosis is beginning to sink in for me.

M1

Welcome. If it's mostly missing the mark, you might try outlining the toilet bowl with really bright duct tape in a contrasting color to the porcelain. That might help him visualize the "target" better. Harmless to try anyway. May at least partially tell you if it's a visual thing. But the not wiping down the shower—-that's different and is probably a disease progression thing. Lots of hygiene tasks go by the by, gradually. There are a lot of threads about PWD being reluctant to shower, for sensory reasons, and because it's a very complex, multistep task that they can no longer manage alone. Ditto for dental care and shaving, so watch for problems with those, too.

SDianeL

I would leave a night light on in the bathroom and put an LED light on the toilet tank before my husband went into Memory Care. I bought toilet bowl cleaner that you put in the tank that turns the water blue. It helped for awhile.

MarDel0917

My bf was diagnosed with early onset last fall. This last June he started waking up with confusion and not able to find the bathroom himself. I would turn the light on life the seat and tell him to go potty. "Pull your pants down and sit down and go potty." If I was you I would get some gloves, clorox wipes, vicks, shaving cream, make a squirt bottle with bleach water and masks.

Gloves, to have on when cleaning messes.

Clorox wipes, to clean up the mess.

Vicks to put under your nose to make the smell. Just swipe ur finger in the jar and smear it under your nose.

Mask for more smell barrier.

Shaving cream, spray it on the poo it blocks the smell amd can dry it out a little.

Bottle of bleach I spray the whole toilet down once I have cleaned it.

I know your concern is pee now but the poo will come. Honestly just have him sit to pee. Also don't be afraid to take him into the women's bathroom when out and about. And ask to help wipe his bottom too. Earlier the better.

Lean on this page too. I'm not sure if you can go back and read my posts but please do for comical relief.

Also invest in an electric shaver! Watch how he shaves now and pay attention to the angles he uses when he shaves.

Scream and vent on this forum. It has helped me so much!!!

We are all in this together 💜

LaneyG

I’ve been struggling with this one too for quite awhile. In our case I think he is really groggy at night. Maybe the meds play a role. Though occasionally I see misses during the day as well. I just have lots of disinfectant wipes nearby in the bathrooms. A royal nuisance but I tell myself it’s probably nothing compared to what’s to come,sadly.

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216596#Comment_216596

Wow! MarDel, that was almost TMI. I 'm not sure what I thought this journey was going to be like, but certainly not exactly how you described it. I'm not sure if I ought to laugh or to cry. Thank you for your commenetary and suggestions. Really appreciate it.

ImMaggieMae

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216596#Comment_216596

MarDel, excellent information. Having him sit to pee is a very good idea, especially as things progress. Getting him comfortable with you helping to wipe his bottom early on is a good idea too. 45 is too young to have to deal with all of this. It’s bad enough in our mid 70’s. He is so lucky to have you.

ThisLife

@Maru welcome to the forum and sorry you have to be here. I see you recently joined. There are people in all stages of this journey. When I first joined, I was stunned by the posts I saw here as my DH was in earlier stage. I didn't come back for a while. Everyone's dementia journey will be different. My DH's journey was 12 years, but the last four weeks was when incontinence hit. We encourage everyone to bring their real lived experience. There are so many people here who will reach out to support you no matter what. I hope you will stay with us.

Beachfan

Maru,

Welcome and sorry you need to join this forum, although you will get the best real life information here, as alarming as some of it may sound early on. My DH was dx in May, 2010, and passed in April, 2023. He was at home under my care for 11 1/2 years until MCF placement 17 months before his death. The good news: he was almost totally continent all the while he was home. The bad news: I would not allow otherwise; I was on high alert 24/7/365, never leaving his side and never allowing him to use a toilet independently for probably 8 years prior to his placement. It sounds impossible; looking back, it was exhausting. Fortunately, he would sit to use the toilet and as he progressed, he was compliant with my wiping and cleaning him afterward. Early on, he no longer indicated the need to use the bathroom; I learned to read his “cues” and took him , unwillingly, day and night, to the bathroom. In public, I took him into the women’s room; no one ever objected. I reiterate , it was exhausting, but in hindsight, it beat the alternative.
Once he entered MC, he was in Depends within the first week. I pleaded his case, urging the caregivers to follow my approach thereby assuring continued continence. I was gently reminded that no one was available to preempt accidents by attending to him 24/7 as I had done. I swallowed my pride and turned his care over to others, understanding and accepting that I had paid my dues long enough.
Sorry if this is also TMI, but as intense as this sounds, it worked for me at the moment. Best of luck caring for your DH; nothing about caregiving is easy.

tucson anne

If it's pee beside the toilet and he won't sit down, you can buy those 1950's U shaped rugs ((I found them in cotton online at Home Depot of all places). The ones I bought are more or less cotton and can be flipped over. So after one edge is stained, I flip it over. Wash them every few days. Not perfect, but I was so tired of wiping down the floor every time and silently fuming about it (not always silent; some loud sighs…).

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216688#Comment_216688

I had Amazon deliver clean-up stuff yesterday and puppy pads that someone had suggested. What I had pictured was him slowly losing words and bits of memory, maybe some aggression in the later stages. I am already learning that it is a patchwork of "lost" things and recognizing that this has actually been going on for quite a while. i just thought he was being careless. He has started leaving on the bathro om light when he is finished in there. For someone who grew up poor this is quite a change. He stopped flossing about a year ago and in recent months he has cut his brushing teeth time to less than 30 seconds. I just hadn't put all this together. I am not going to make a guess on how long I will be able to care for him if he becomes fully incontinent. I am already 84, so age is working against me, but I want to allow him dignity as long as possible. God bless all you, all us caretakers.

Carmen M

My LO also has bathroom issues. He is incontinent so I have him sit on toilet regarding of pee or poo. Because sometimes when he says he only needs to pee, he might poo. I have a bar around the toilet so he can brace himself and turn around and sit. Yes, sometimes he doesn't make the poo into the toilet and then all the cleaning starts.

Its so difficult and we can only do our best.