How to deal with NEW personality traits

caregiver1963

I am new to the site. There is 15 years difference in my husband and I. He is 75. In late May, I noticed some disturbing habits he was beginning. DH is fully functioning except for the urges and impulses he can't control. It is disturbing and I feel like I got on an apology tour a few times a week. I love my DH but he is being inappropriate. We are in the early stages of his diagnosis. The neurologist has mentioned frontotemporal and vascular dementia so far. My therapist suggests finding groups that I can relate with, gain ideas and get support. I am feeling very sad and disrespected which leads to anxiety, anger and then depression for feeling guilty about my feelings.

CampCarol

Hello and welcome to the site. I also have a large age difference between my husband and I: 18 years, and he also has mixed dementia: AZ and (probable) Lewy Body. Unfortunately, what you’re describing above is part of the territory and new path you’re now travelling. I have found this site to be a huge help; there are so many knowledgeable people willing to share their experiences and expertise. I’ve read some similar stories to yours, and I’m sure others will chime in as well. You are not alone, hang in there!

M1

I'm no expert because not dealing with it personally, but inappropriate behavior is characteristic of FTD and makes it unusually challenging. You need to be the squeaky wheel and very explicit with his doctors about what he's doing and how it's impacting you, this can be a reason for hospitalization if he needs to be stabilized on medications. Welcome to the forum, you have come to a good place for advice and support and let me just say, you can be as explicit as you want here or not. Pretty much no topic is off limits, and no judgement.

Iris L.

By hospitalization, M1 means in a geriatric psychiatric unit, not a regular hospital bed. He would need to be treated by a geriatric psychiatrist. It can take a minimum of two weeks, possibly more, to titer psychoactive medications to the appropriate dosage.

Iris

SDianeL

welcome. So sorry you are going through this. Dementia is a terrifying and heartbreaking disease. Remember that his behavior is not him, it’s the disease. He can’t control it. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Learn all you can about the disease and that will help. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which really helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Get a referral to a Geriatric Psychiatrist who can prescribe medications to help with his behavior. He no longer realizes it’s inappropriate. I kept a list of my husband’s behaviors and gave the list to all his doctors at least monthly. This is the place for info and support. We know what you’re going through.

Nowhere

CG 1963,

I’m glad you found this group.

My husband is ten years older than I am, and he’s had memory loss 17 years with unexplained personality changes prior to his diagnosis of MCI. He is now almost 80 years old, but still in good physical shape. We walk a mile a day outside his facility. In advanced dementia now, he no longer possesses undesired behaviors as his brain no longer can weave thoughts to make a story.

I suggest you have your husband seen by a geriatrician who specializes in medicating brain disorders if his neurologist isn’t medicating him for behaviors. My husband’s medical doctor would not prescribe medication to help with his stress and resulting behaviors for fear the drugs would make him unsteady on his feet, but said he’d prescribe something for me! What?!? I felt so upset, isolated, and alone. Then someone on this site suggested finding a new doctor. I sought a gerontologist for him in a larger city 2.5 hours away. Who then referred us to an internist in his group who specialized in behaviors and dementia medication. This doctor helped him (us) practically overnight! And because of this I was able to cope better and keep him home a couple extra years.

Wishing you some peace.