Difficult and lonely

Lkrielow99

 I had a friend disable DH truck.  He went berserk.  He is still upset after 7 days of trying to get me to have it fixed. Now he is upset over some scam.  All his cards are locked.  Our retirement money was moved to a brokerage firm.  Thank goodness. I took him to the bank to withdraw cash, he randomly walked into a bankers office and showed his iPhone with how much money he would get free from a scam, then went to the teller and asked him where is his checks.  The banker said he can no longer transact business.  I have to give them my DPOA.  I have been visiting homes to get on their placement list.  I have a caretaker one day a week for me to get out of my now prison home.  Well it's a pretty nice prison, lol.  I don’t know how to navigate my life.  I am lost, lonely and unsure what to do.  He is declining at a pretty fast rate, or is it me?  I feel as crazy as I know he is.  He flew our plane 13 months ago, now he can’t change a light bulb or change the channel on TV. I have No one to talk with or visit or have fun with.  He can no longer travel as he wanders out of the room naked, pees everywhere and very confused the entire time.  He hallucinates and is delusional. No UTI, just weird. I think he is moving into stage 5, mainly because of the hallucinations and I have to help him with clothes and other personal things. Why is he so difficult. He behaves like a child and pouts all the time. I have put him on Rexulti because of agitation and panic attacks. Why does my life have to be this difficult?   Is he in Stage 5? I think I can handle one more year and then I’m cooked. I’m venting and so sorry.  

ricardo

Wow…so sorry that you’re going thru all this right now

ricardo

Mine seems easy I’m sorry

midge333

I would venture a guess that he is beyond stage 5. Here is a handout with the stages:

Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts (1).pdf

howhale

I found the Tam- Cummings tool helpful in gauging my wife's stage. My best assessment is somewhere in Stage 6. Unfortunately my wife rejects any and all medications. I have tried every trick suggested but have been unable for a couple years to get her to take meds. The docs are without any ideas at this point. Every reflection in a window is believed to be another person or persons, regardless of how many times we have demonstrated they are reflections. Most recently, had to take her to the ER as I could not calm her down and had no options. They ran all the tests for UTI, a CT scan, etc., etc and all normal. Her physical health, absent her increasing weight loss due her deplorable diet, is pretty good. Fortunately for us, the staff called in an onsite psych member. The doctor was ready to have her sent to a mental hospital because she was highly agitated and demanding to leave. The psych member accepted my input that she has Alzheimer Dementia and knew that her behavior was not going to e changed at a mental hospital. She refused to commit her and we went home, albeit without any real assistance, but at least to our home. Just be watchful for your loved one if the need arises to go to an ER. You will possibly have to fight to prevent someone committing your loved one to a mental hospital and failing to understand what they are truly seeing before them. Just a caution to all of how easily an innocent trip seeking help could have turned into a nightmare for your loved one and yourself far worse than what we are experiencing with them.

Iris L.

If necessary and if approved by the pharmacist, crush meds and add to food or coffee.

Stop trying to convince about reflections, she doesn't understand, due to the brain damage.

Admittance to a geriatric psychiatric unit sometimes may be necessary.

Iris

M1

Howhale have you tried liquid med formulations? They could be added to food or drink and she doesn't even have to know...

harshedbuzz

@howhale

My dad had this issue, too. It's best to draw the curtains/blinds before it gets dark to avoid this entirely. If mirrors are a problem as well, you can buy removable cling film to avoid this. The film can be used on windows, too, if needed.

https://www.lowes.com/search?searchTerm=window%20film

HB

Jeanne C.

Lkrielow99 I'm sorry you're going through this. Caregiving can be difficult and lonely. If the rexulti isn't working on the agitation and hallucinations, you may want to ask his doctor about another atypical antipsychotic like risperidone or seroquel. It's great that you're finding some time away when the caretaker is there. Things that have helped me are joining a bookclub, going to an in person support group, and seeing a therapist. Sometimes just grabbing coffee with my cousin can be enough to recharge. All the best to you.

@howhale a geripsych unit may be needed to get meds going. Your wife may be more compliant with meds once they have her dosages set correctly. My husband was very resistant to medications (and really any care at all) until a 10 day hospital stay where they got him adjusted to an antipsychotic and anti anxiety med. Made all the difference in my being able to care for him. And yes, I crush pills and use liquid for one. Much easier than having to get him to take pills and watch that he swallows.

M1

Howhale and lkrielow- you both may be looking at situations that require hospitalization for stabilization. I know how hard it is to pull that trigger, but you may have to. Your own sanity and health is important.

SDianeL

so sorry. It’s the disease, not him. I also think he’s progressed more than Stage 5. We know how lonely you feel. We grieve our previous lives. Caregiving is an exhausting 24-7 job. I would start looking into memory care facilities.

Lkrielow99

such great information and I appreciate you all being here. I visited with the VA home and brought them our information. It’s a very nice home, and they will accept him when I’m ready. For now I’m going to use sitters and wait this out a little longer. I agree he is in stage 5. When he steps his toe in stage 6 or if I become ill, he will have to go to the VA home. I hold his medical POA also. This is going incredibly fast. I thought he and I would have more time. On one hand I’m missing the time I thought we had, the other hand says go faster I’m done. Guilty feelings everywhere. Thank you all again for being here. Much love to you all.