Defusing unkind behavior

LG1981

My mom has Alzheimer’s my father is her caregiver. They live in DE, I am in NJ. For several months she’s been annoyed at my husband and i think it’s because she misses me. He is always kind to her and even physically helps her in person. Whatever the reason, she’s just not kind when I mention him. I try not to react to comments and just exit the conversation. But am wondering if anyone has tips for defusing this sort of thing. Thank you. Happy holidays!

Emily 123

I'm sorry LG1981, what you're doing is actually a great way to handle it. I guess you could just not mention him, since the disease is making her perceive him incorrectly. It might be less stressful for you that way perhaps, though it's a shame as he sounds like he's very kind to your mom.

You may be on the right track about why—perhaps she feels he interferes with time you should be devoting to her. (My mom, pre-diagnosis, refused to let a 'loner' at her independent living facility sit with us for Thanksgiving dinner.) If she's lost enough of her memory she might not recall you're married, or perhaps she's not remembering who he is clearly, or confusing him with someone else. Sometimes the easiest thing is to detour around the behavior in the hopes that it will eventually not be an issue. Happy Holidays to you as well!

LG1981

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/232262#Comment_232262

Thanks Emily 123! I appreciate the advice and knowing it’s not uncommon