Caring for a parent while also caring for young kids help

AlexOD

I’m brand new and this is my first post. I took over as primary caregiver for my dad who is a 75 year and has mid stage ALZ and dementia middle of last year. He’s currently in AL. My two younger siblings live out of state and they manage the financial half so I can just focus on ensuring his care. We have a good relationship with one another - but they don’t have the front row seat that I have currently, though I know they appreciate what I’m doing. Complicating this is that I also have three young kids, aged 8 and under. I naively thought having my dad living in AL would make things easier, but it’s honestly been a nightmare. From having to switch AL faculties to the psychiatric ward visits to manage his medications and playing middle man with the VA, I’m either on the phone managing his health or curled up in bed crying over what’s happening to him a good chunk of each month. He’s currently in this grey area where is mind is gone to the point that he needs nursing care, but his body is strong and he’s able to walk around, and he’s never been one to sit still, so this combo lands him in trouble a lot since coming into my care.

Simultaneously, I also having to manage my kids’ health, homework, extracurricular, along with being present for them, which feels overwhelmingly impossible and just unfair. I feel like I’m failing everyone left and right all the time since assuming care for him. No one understands what I’m going through either, not even my husband- though I know he sincerely tries. But I constantly feel like no one wants to hear about my dad anymore, it’s too heavy. And the times I do try to talk about him even a tiny bit to someone I trust, the verbal and non verbal reactions make me feel judged for not being able to handle it all or just walking away from the situation altogether. They usually awkwardly try to end the discussion with a comment that I’m “super mom and daughter,” which is starting to feel more like “bless your heart.” I don’t want to be super anything, I just want my old life back when this wasn’t weighing me down and I enjoyed being with my family. Instead I feel like I now live on my own lonely planet while everyone else is enjoying life on earth. And I know all this is impacting my family too, which I do not want to keep doing. Especially because I don’t know how long this limbo will last- could be a year, could be 10? I would love to try to figure out a path to anywhere better than where we’re at now, but I seem to be stuck on this planet. So if you’re still reading and have young kids or even older kids going through similar, I sincerely welcome stories and would love to connect. Thanks for reading and giving me a safe place to let this out.