Showering

Peaceklb

My mom has Alzheimer’s and is not wanting to eat very much and does not want to shower or clean herself anymore. She gets very angry when we even mention getting in the shower. I posted here before and have tried everything I can , no luck.
IT has been almost 4 weeks since her last shower. I put a chair in the shower and hand bars up as well. When she does get in she won’t wash at all. She’s refuses to let me or my sister help either. She is still able to hold a conversation (confusing sometimes but still talking) , still walking with a walker. She just thinks because she sits all day in her recliner that she doesn’t smell.
She does… I won’t take her out until she showers it is so bad. I think it’s time to higher someone to come in. I feel like a failure.

SusanB-dil

First thing - you are NOT a failure!

Ok. Now we got that straight... it is 'this' horrid disease. We have the same issue. What we did was utilize her Medicare Advantage plan of 60-hours a year for nurse's care. Check to see if your mom has anything similar. We usually have to utilize by 2-hour increments (CareNurse's policy), but some weeks we had to pay out-of-pocket to make it through the year. (As this was what we did last year) Some weeks we went ahead and skipped a week. (We are blessed that a dear friend at least does her hair in the sink every week and she allows it. They've known each other a very long time)

That said, a lot of our LO's are no longer really able to grasp the concept of shower and other hygiene any longer, even with our assistance. For some, the shower/bath might be intimidating, or just too much to think about. Do NOT take it personally. I know that isn't always easy.

ronda b

Your not a failure. This is normal for people with alz.. Seeing she will take a sponge bath.

Peaceklb

I’ll check that out, thank you.

H1235

What about powders and reminders to use deodorant. I know that’s not ideal. They make a dry shampoo. Mom is in Al and I can’t even imagine her allowing me to help her shower. I think getting an aide to come in might be best. This is not your fault.

psg712

We had much more success with an aide helping my mom shower than with me trying to help her. Even so, she now rarely permits a full shower. She will allow sponge baths and the dry shampoo caps ... depending on her mood that day.

AmandaF

My mom’s the same way. Now that she’s in a facility the staff manages to get her in the shower every week but she’s never happy about it. It’s not your fault, it’s the disease.

GailBD

My mom looks at me with horror in her eyes at the thought of a shower. She will let me wash her feet and legs due to wounds that appear and need to be kept clean and salved. I have to convince her to wash her upper front and under arms by giving her a bowl of warm water and soap. I bring it to her couch while the TV is on and let her do it. I have just found Equate Rinse-Free Foaming Body Wash and Shampoo. [Please excuse if I am not supposed to name a brand]. Am planning to try on Mom to wash her back and shampoo her hair. Have to make sure no allergic reaction.

I have to coax her into changing clothes. She will protest. I say OK; then come back later and ask. She will have forgotten and agree SOMETIMES.

SusanB-dil

@GailBD - ooh! thank you! I knew about the rinse-free (dry) shampoo, but not the whole body-wash.

I have seen brands named, as long as it is in context of the subject. ie: which adult-underwear is better for skin, or which store carries the clothing that can snap in the back…

Shenmama99

Look online no rinse bath wipes. Amazon sells them. There’s a brand called Scrubzz that has good reviews. The showering topic is difficult. Hang in there!

_sarah_

We're in this phase right now - while Mom will shower, it is begrudgingly. And she always brings up that in the 1950's they had water shortages so showering 1x/week and wearing clothes multiple days was normal. We're constantly having to remind her that isn't the case anymore. While I don't have any advice, just know you're not alone!

Caring Daughter

My dad is the same way about the shower situation. When he has a medical appointment I really want him to bathe prior to the appointment. He gets angry and refuses to shower and tells me he won't go to the appointment. I have someone call, put on speakerphone and inform him he has an appointment and has to bathe prior. I noticed if someone else (other than the family member) informs him to take a shower, he'll do so but, if a family member informs him there's always an excuse.

jiffy

I am caregiver 24/7 for my mother with dementia, unable to walk or stand.

We had a home health assist with showering and/or washing in bed but after this aid took another job none of the other aids could handle her and they all refused to return. We tried medicating but it didn't help. Mom wouldn't even allow them to wash her in bed. Then all 3 of us (me, mom, and my partner) came down with COVID. I got up one morning and my bed-ridden mom had blood and vomit all over and in her hair. I didn't want to kill off any aids so I cleaned her myself. Up in the hoyer, onto the portable shower chair and into the tub. She did pretty good. Since then I refined my technique and she doesn't complain too much any more. I get her in the shower twice a week. I use distractions in conversation and even hung a picture of her favorite male hero on the bathroom wall. She won't do much self washing but she enjoys feeling the spray of the warm water. I keep a heater in the bathroom and her room during the event.

It's actually easier for me to shower her than it was for me to worry about getting her ready and worry about the home health aids and I don't have to go by their schedule. When mom gets used to a routine it becomes less threatening. It takes a long time but eventually she learns that it's safe and okay.

Before I purchased this portable tub/shower chair I washed her hair once a week in an inflatable hair washing sink I found on Amazon.