How to deal with violence

Eloise0304

I posted this before but is getting worse and he thinks he is okay. Gets

Up early and wanders around the house and says no to everything and lashes out when I tell him to go back to bed. I am not in love with him, just feel an obligation. Can I just leave him and never look back

weareallunique

Leaving him alone when he is impaired could open you to elder abuse charges due to his mental condition [like when people leave their kids and go away to Vegas for the weekend ] —but that doesn't mean you are stuck as you are - you can call the Alz Assoc help line right now , 911 if he gets physical .

In the meantime avoid all conflicts - his brain doesn't allow him to process thoughts , directions, memories like he could before so when he is told what and when to do things he feels confusion and has an emotional response- because his brain can't do otherwise. If it is a safety item- he lights a match or microwaves a metal dish - just calmly step in and offer to help, distract . It's almost a Downton Abbey kind of thing - we have to be the ever agreeable "servant" for the goal of safety and calm .

BPS

It is possible to divorce him but it is a bigger deal and more expensive when one is incompetent. I think the court would appoint him a representative to look out for his best interest, but if you feel obligated those feeling probably wouldn't go away. I sometimes think I want to run away from home, but I still care just not like I did 20 years ago and I don't want to negatively affect our kids even though they are all adults with their own families.

charley0419

this illness sucks

Carl46

I wouldn't blame you for leaving, but you need to report him as a person in need of care when you do so. Since you have been caring for him, you have a responsibility to hand off the care when you stop doing it, not just leave him to flounder. Another option would be to place him in memory care and stay in your home.

As others have suggested, the Alzheimer's Association can help you plan your escape. And yes, this illness is terrible.

Eloise0304

He won't let anyone in the door to help and he padlocks it. He seems lucid to most people, He would never go quietly and would become combative This is pure hell How does the Alzheimer's ASSN help me plan my escape

Eloise0304

BPS

If he locks in you in the house and won't let you out you need to call the police no matter what his condition is. If you can leave I would still go to the local police and describe your situation and still call the Alzheimer's number and talk to them. If you stay out of caring or obligation or any other reason or if you don't stay that has to be your choice. You can choose. I my case my wife had cheated on me before and then shortly after her diagnoses I found out that she was seeing him again so I wanted to leave but I decided to stay out of obligation to a sick wife and not wanting to hurt our kids. Sometimes I have regrated that decision but it was a decision I made without force. You have the right to make the choice.

JulietteBee

@Eloise0304

If he padlocks the door which prevents you from leaving, it is a crime! By law, it is called, "false imprisonment." Find a safe room to lock yourself in. Call the police to tell them what is going on and that they will have to kick the door in or shoot the lock off. Tell them of his dementia so they do not kill him during his acting out, claiming that he threatened them. Impress up on them that he is mentally ill and need to be taken to the hospital.

If weapons are in your house, find them and hide them. Hide them from you both. You are suicidal and he is mentally ill. Neither of you need to have access to weapons. Please call for help TONIGHT! Tomorrow may be too late.🫂🙏🏽😢