Maybe I’m overreacting?

Wmamadoe

My husband is my concern. I’ve tried to talk to him about my concerns. Memory, irrational behavior, inappropriate decisions, he will not discuss or answer questions. His mom past of ALZ in 2022. He refused to help in any way with her care. His sister and I were there.

HOw can I get him to see a doctor. I bring it up he leaves the room or has a headache or other physical pain
Then won’t speak to me. Insults me tells me I do nothing and never did

He’s mean.

Hiding money. I don’t know what to do.

I was a caregiver for my father, my mother for four years my mother-in-law for two my sister for a year

This is very different. It’s my husband.

Michele P

You are not overreacting. These are classic signs that something is wrong. Talk to your husband’s primary care physician or neurologist if he has one. You need to get cognitive testing done asap. If it is what you suspect, there is no reasoning with him. His reasoning is broken. Don’t argue with him. It will only frustrate and agitate him.

Goodlife2025

You will likely need to pursue the doctor visits and testing under protest from your husband but you MUST take control now or the situation can quickly overwhelm you and your husband.

Chris20cm

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74297/maybe-i-m-overreacting

I'm the case of my wife, the hostility and meanness was intolerable until the Dr prescribed Seroquel 8 years ago and she has been on it ever since, with just a couple adjustments in dosage. We never talk about Alzheimer's or dementia. It is not helpful.

Chris20cm

Also, she hates going to the doctor, dentist, eye dr, or even the beautician, so I don't mention it until an hour or so before time to leave. She always asks why she has to go to the doctor and I just tell her he has to do a medication review.

Quilting brings calm

Make an appointment for him at his doctors. Drop off a letter to the doctor the day before detailing your concerns. ( If you aren’t on your spouse’s HIPPA form, they can’t talk to you - but you can talk to them). Tell your spouse the appointment is for the various physical ailments he has been making mention of.
If you can, go with him with the stated intention of going out to eat afterwards. If you can get in the exam room with him, sit where the doctor can see your facial expressions and body language. Somehow indicate yes or no when your spouse answers a question or makes a statement.

Iris L.

Read sbout anosognosia. Your LO can be unaware of having cognitive changes. This is not denial, but a characteristic of dementia. So you cannot expect him to agree with what you are observing.

Iris

H1235

Welcome. As quiltingbringcalm has suggested, working around him is probably going to be much easier than getting him to understand there is a problem. If a patient portal is an option with his doctor I would sign him up and send information to the doctor that way. You might ask about medication to help with his anger. Anger is not uncommon with dementia. You may have to make up excuses to get him to a refusal with a neurologist and blood work and everything else that goes along with a diagnosis. Regardless of the cause you may need to start making some changes. Poor judgment and access to money and car keys is a bad combination. You may want to consider how you can protect money. You can’t have him buying a brand new $100,000 truck when you can’t afford it and he may not even be able to drive much longer. I’m not sure how you do this every situation is different. You should also see a lawyer about a durable power of attorney, will and living will ( if these are not already in place). I would definitely not tell him that it is because of his health! Tell him your both getting older and it’s something that is probably a good idea. Don’t even bother trying to convince him of anything. I know this sounds wrong, but just do what needs to be done. Make up a story if necessary or just do it without consulting him or even telling him (whatever it is that’s needs to be done). I know you mentioned having some experience with dementia, but I did attach a staging tool that may be helpful.

DBAT.pdf

SDianeL

tell him the doctor needs to see him because his insurance requires it do not say it’s for his memory. As others have posted get a letter to the doctor or contact the doctor online. Make a list of his behaviors and give to the doctor. Ask the doctor to do a cognitive test but not tell your DH what it’s for. Most important thing I learned here is “you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken”

sandwichone123

Make sure to have your legal documents in order ASAP. Do not tell him you think he's having cognitive difficulties, as he will not believe you and it can damage the relationship. You do have to make decisions independently and present things to him at the last minute, "we need to go now. We have an appointment to sign some important papers."