Travel documents for parent with dementia?

DanT_818

(Apologies, but I feel like I have to redact this post and the follow-ups at this point to keep some details private. Thank you all, especially H1235 and Victoriaredux.)

H1235

Welcome. This board doesn’t get as much traffic as the caring for a parent or general topics. You might try reposting there for more responses. Is there any way you can have someone else get him out of the house while you look for the necessary documents? Does moving back to his home country make sense? Is their family there to help him. Dementia is about so much more than bad memory. Good judgment and logical decision making are also a problem. I would decide what you think is best for him a work towards that goal. Many with dementia have anosognosia and are not able to recognize their symptoms or limitations. Pointing these out and the need to sign a DPOA will probably not go well. He should have a DPOA, medical poa, will and living will. Could you suggest that this is simply something that needs to be done now that he is getting older (say nothing about his symptoms)? Maybe even tell him you are doing yours as well. If this doesn’t work you will need to see a lawyer and file for guardianship. The anosognosia can be very dangerous. He may decide to do something that is not safe for him. There are treatable things that can cause dementia like symptoms. He really should be seen by a doctor. I think a blood test could rule other things out. I would suggest doing whatever you can without consulting him. Dementia care is expensive. He is very very vulnerable to scams and fraud. Even without the dpoa I would do what you can to help manage his finances. Your dad can’t make important decisions for himself. You can’t wait for him to ask for help or admit there is a problem, that will probably never happen. You need to make things happen. I have attached a few resources.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

DBAT.pdf

H1235

So sorry you are going through this! You said he considered retirement living in his home country. Could you convince him an assisted living facility is a retirement living community? I think that is what my mil thought when she moved to Al. If he was willing you could move him near you to Al. Moving him in with you is probably only going to be a temporary fix since he won’t be safe alone in your home (while you work) for very long. Although I would think if he lives with you he would pay you something for rent, food, etc. If he has the money in home care could be hired while you are at work, but that would be a whole other battle I’m sure. Even if you find the passport and he agrees to go to his home country, there will be a lot of work to make that happen. Would family find a place for him there or would that fall on you? It sounds like flying might be an issue especially if there are layovers. Then there is his house and everything in it. You have no good choices. How frustrating. If for any reason he needs to go to the hospital emergency room because of some incident related to this, ask for (demand) a psychiatric evaluation. If you believe he is a harm to himself or others tell them this, repeatedly.

towhee

Any infection or illness or even something like mild dehydration (fairly common in the elderly) can lead to increased confusion and anxiety, sometimes that increased confusion is the only way we know something is wrong. Your neighbor would be looking for anything different than their usual experience with your father. For example a difference in speaking, walking, state of the house, clothing, emotional state. If the neighbor sees anything usually a immediate visit to a doctors office or urgent care is indicated. Really bad, a visit to the emergency department. This is really hard to handle long distance. You might look into whether there is a geriatric care manager in the area that you can hire. Unfortunately they are not available everywhere.