The "Trial Period" approach

lilacgirl

I posted yesterday about how we are putting my mom into an AL community in a couple weeks. She agreed to go there, thank god, mostly after we followed the facility's recommendation of telling her it's a 30-day trial period. This seems to be a common approach.
However, I feel like this is going to backfire on us. Unfortunately, her Memory Loss does not seem to apply to this 30-day thing! She is fixated on that. What do we do if she says she wants to leave after the 30 days? She is getting cold feet and already has said, "Maybe I'll give my 30 day notice on day one."

harshedbuzz

@lilacgirl

The trial period ruse might work, just be aware that 30 days might not be sufficient to settle in fully. Most folks seem to settle around 6-10 weeks. That said, my aunt who moved into an AL/MC hybrid around stage 4ish settled almost immediately and thrived. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Do you have the legal authority to make the decision stick? If so, a backup plan with a fiblet might be helpful. Once she's moved in and starts angling to leave, your home could become uninhabitable because of termite tenting or a busted sewer main that has you couch surfing with friends so she'll have to stay where she is for now.

HB

lilacgirl

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269312#Comment_269312

I do have the legal authority, along with my brother, and I could use help with a long list of fiblets. :-)

H1235

Here are some ideas. Along with what hb suggested any kind of home repair issues that need to be addressed before she moves back, maybe she needs to have the bathroom remodel to meet her needs, the doctor has said she needs to stay a bit longer to build up her strength or you are very busy right now and don’t have the time to move her. My mom wouldn’t buy into any of that. We didn’t push the fib’s because she would have seen it as a lie and it would have made things even worse. We added medication and that helped. She also made friends and that helped. But she has still said many times “I just don’t understand why you would do this to me, it’s not right.” Even when she’s not saying it I know that is what she is thinking. It’s heartbreaking. If she becomes defiant and demands to leave you may need to consider a locked facility. I hope it works out.

Quilting brings calm

Also remember that she probably doesn’t have the mental capacity to actually arrange a move back home. She may rant and rave but most likely will expect you to handle that move. Which you can’t do right now because of any of 25 things you can come up with.