Is this Alzheimer's or Personality?

kelliekellz

My mom is extemely mean to me at times. She has Alzheimer's and I have been taking care of her for 8 years. When I suggest something like for example, "You can put on your pajamas since its night time" She'll respond, "Yeah I'm not stupid, I know what I'm doing" I try to give her as much autonomy as I can, but she is in late stages of Alzheimer's and her doctor has now categorized her as "Severe".

But she argues with me about everything, which has become so exhausting. She needs help, but when I give her help, she gets mad and cusses at me, or slams doors in my face or yells at me, and says things like "Who do you think you are to tell me that". Everyday has become a struggle, because instead of listening to what I am trying to tell her, she immediately is defensive and argues with me. No matter how I word things.

Just wondering if this is apart of her Alzheimer's or more of an ego/personality thing.

JulietteBee

Sad to say, it is the disease. It sounds as if you are describing life in my house.

I just had mom move in with me 2.5 months ago. She has Vascular Dementia and Alzheimers. EVERY day we are locked in a war of words. EVERY day finds me walking on eggshells in my own home. EVERY day I have to remind myself that this defiant, argumentative person, who is making my life hell, is NOT my mother. It is the shell of my mother being run amok by a diaeased brain. Neuropsych diagnosed mom as moderate to severe. Maybe they are both in the same stage.

TRY not take it personally! You are amazing for taking on her care, even for absorbing all her venom. God will reward you for doing as is expected, "Honor your father and mother..." You are NOT alone! We are here for you.🫂

persevere

Without a bit more information it’s hard to give good advice but I’ll just say this - pick your battles. If she’s making a comment of ‘I’m not stupid’ then there’s still stuff going on up there. My wife can’t even talk at her present stage. So, I would say if it’s not dangerous to her or you then let it go. Maybe she winds up sleeping in her clothes. I dunno. Or pose it differently - ‘let me know if you need any help with x, y, or z’. That’s a way of reminding without being directive. And arguing just for the sake of proving a point is never a good idea in this realm.

sandwichone123

Hi Kellie, and welcome! If it's personality, she's done it all her life. If it's new, it's Alzheimer's. "Let it Go" is a good theme song. If it's not dangerous, don't push it. Don't try to reason with her, because her "reasoner" is broken. Don't try to convince her of your reality, but try to understand hers. In her world, she's probably 30-50 years younger and functioning great.

There's a thing called agonosognosia (or close to it) that means the brain is not able to understand that the brain is not functioning correctly. They think they're fine. That's why caregivers use fibs, or therapeutic lies. When they can't reason, you need to come up with a story that fits in their world.

Another thing I read that I found helpful is to try to help without it being obvious. So setting out the pajamas without saying anything, or cutting up the food in the kitchen if they're starting to need their food cut up, rather than cutting on their plate at the table. And to be honest, sleeping in their clothes is probably not worth spending much energy on.

caregiving daughter

Was she kind or even different years ago? If so, then yes, very likely dementia… Try to identify treats/things/experiences that your mom may really enjoy. Try to use those to encourage the safe, healthy behaviors that are important in her care. Sometimes PWD act nicer to outsiders. If that may be the case, perhaps you could bring in someone to shower her, etc.

emmee

Sounds like at least related to the alzheimers if not totally due to that. In any case, having her doctor prescribe zoloft (or generic zoloft) can really help. It can do amazing things for dementia mood/irritation challenges. And the dosage can be raised until the issues are fully resolved. It can be crushed and mixed with peanut butter to put in a sandwich if she doesn't like swallowing pills.

Voseartist

Hi,
New here! My mother just got diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I'm not sure what stage she is in as she still lives alone but have noticed significant changes for about 5 years. It have taken me 2 to 3 just to get her to the Neurologist. Have any of you experienced the strange story telling? Or stories from waaay way back? Very old memories I don't even recall. What stage is this??
Thank you

H1235

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/279578#Comment_279578

Welcome. I will add a few links that might be helpful. The dbat is what most of us use here. She may never have all the symptoms listed in each stage. She is considered to be in the latest stage she has symptoms for. Story telling is common. Sometimes it’s like wires get crossed and the story is a mesh of two different stories. Sometimes it’s a mesh of a real story and someone else’s story or even a tv show. If you don’t have a DPOA already, this is very very important. Problems with finances is very common in the beginning. Keep a close eye on things. Sorry you need to be here.

DBAT.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

Voseartist

thank you!

ErikaDaughter

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76785/is-this-alzheimers-or-personality

I really don't have anything new to say besides it sounds very familiar and don't argue. It's the disease talking and it's rough; there's no other way to say it. You are doing right by your mom and it sounds like your generosity and love to her speaks volumes. My dad doesn't accept help (cause he "doesn't need it") so we have to model what we want him to do. Announce aloud you are going to get your pajamas on (after you set hers out) and maybe she'll get the memo. My dad is unpleasant and any question you ask him he acts like it's a stupid question. Another strategy is just say something like "great mom, I love you" and walk away when she reacts negatively. See if that disrupts her negative rant. Keep trying different things and take care of yourself!! You're amazing!