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Dementia and Dating

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  • Buggsroo
    Buggsroo Member Posts: 576
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    Vitruvius,

    That made me laugh out loud. The clock test, plus any other intelligence test I could lay my hands on. Nah that ship has sailed.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0
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    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • FTDCaregiver
    FTDCaregiver Member Posts: 40
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    Well, thought I'd give a quick update after reading all the posts, very thoughtful and humorous group we have.  Great I have a safe place to toss out this subject for others to weigh in and receive support.  Anyway, I've gotten on a few dating sites.  After sifting through the scammers, I was able to connect with some very nice women via email, text or phone.  Opted to be very up-front with them as to my situation.  As expected, some ran for the hills, but some didn't and actually seemed interested in my situation. Many just didn't know much about dementia, and all didn't know of course what the life of a caregiver is like...so spent a lot of time on that. So started up some pen pals, getting to know each other, felt really good to talk, email or text about JUST LIFE again with a woman and listen to her story as well what she's looking for in her life and possibly find compatibility if possible.  Anyway, I seemed to have to gotten really fortunate in finding a lovely widow, we just seemed to click, she even spent time on her own to research caregivers and dementia trying to understand my situation and was very empathetic after seeing videos on YouTube.  Good news we're going to meet for the first time this weekend, fingers crossed but we seemed to really understand each other and made a definite connection.  As one person alluded to earlier in not having the energy, he's right, certainly not for everyone, takes a lot of work and was surprised at how many fakers are out there on date sites, but there are some real gems well, have to mine for them!  Anyway, thought I get back to our group and let ya know I've been discouraged.  Hope is alive....hmmm...maybe I should bring the clock test with me?? LOL. .
  • Crushed
    Crushed Member Posts: 1,472
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    My favorite dinner companion comes over twice a week for a real meal. I have a genetically disabled granddaughter and  she is a top lawyer in that field. She is very close to my age  I make her dinner and she takes leftovers home for lunch in the office.  The other women in her office are impressed that she has a friend who cooks for her.

    My kids say I have only one "move" and it's  "through the kitchen"

  • Laurention
    Laurention Member Posts: 23
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    I looked after my EOAD wife at home for 6 years 24/7..DW spent the last 4 years of her life in LTC..  Somewhere around year 8 I did have a few "dates "..Some ladies understood my position some didn't ...One former  lady friend mentioned that there was not enough  room for three people in "our" relationship. .Thats why she's became  a "former "

    After my wife's passing ..I've tried ...but the spark is just not there..I do have a lady I see on a regular basis ..But we both know that it will never be anymore than a shared meal..Maybe watch a Hockey game (Canadian Eh ? ) ..We go for a nice drive and check out the flea markets.

    That being said ...I find myself agreeing with the others here..I'm 68 years old and spent 10 years of my life providing  care  for my DW.. I still  love her as much as I did when we were teenage sweethearts . I cared for DW out of love ..I will never ever put myself in a care giver position again.

    Mike

  • Marta
    Marta Member Posts: 694
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    I did begin dating after my husband was placed in MC and did not know me. It was by accident ( we shared a common language). Within eight months he was diagnosed with glioblastoma, and I ended up caring for him for the next six months, until he died at my home.  This was 18 months prior to my husband’s death.   His son preceded him in death by six weeks, due to a drug overdose.
  • JudyMorrowMaloney
    JudyMorrowMaloney Member Posts: 74
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    I wouldn't date again but that's just me. Only you can decide what is best for you. As for me, I'll stick with my cat for companionship
  • donnabeams
    donnabeams Member Posts: 5
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/134466#Comment_134466

    I am a 67 yr old caregiver who has fallen in love with a man on line who is very understandibg of my life. My daughters pleaded with me not to pursue him until I'm a widow. He makes me feel whole and happy, even now in the present we are waiting for each other. He has shielded me from psychologically breaking down completely.

  • blacksparky
    blacksparky Member Posts: 264
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/133647#Comment_133647

    I agree with you Rescue mom. There is a couple of reasons and the one is I too don’t have the energy to make that effort. Another reason is I fear that if I did find another soulmate and for some reason they also get diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or any other thing that required me to once again become the caregiver, I couldn’t handle it.

  • BPS
    BPS Member Posts: 481
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    I am 69 years old and my wife has been in MC for 2 years and is now on hospice. After she is gone I think I will be open to dating if I meet the right woman. I will have the concerns of becoming a care giver again (my mom had dementia, my wife was diagnosed 10 years ago, and we have a special needs daughter), but I also miss getting a loving hug and having someone to share life with. I need to finish this chapter of my life before I can start another on.

  • ronda b
    ronda b Member Posts: 389
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/133845#Comment_133845

    That's what I long for" feeling of living again"

  • Arrowhead
    Arrowhead Member Posts: 499
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    While it's something I don't see myself doing, I know several men in your situation who not only date but have also found girlfriends. One of them is 82 and has found a woman he feels good about. He says that he is happier, healthier, and less stressed out because of their relationship. Her own husband died because of Alzheimer's, so she understands and accepts that his wife comes first. I wish you luck.

  • Shelly / Texas
    Shelly / Texas Member Posts: 23
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    When we lose our partner (even if they are still alive), it is such an emotional and social loss. It is natural to desire a connection and "pair up" with someone special. I miss having a partner, even though my spouse is still with me every day. I miss talks, making decisions, planning stuff, eating out, etc…. I understand the desire and respect others choices. This is a very lonely journey. ❤️💔

  • jsps139_
    jsps139_ Member Posts: 281
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/134441#Comment_134441

    Thanks for the belly laugh. I needed that tonight!

  • CharlieS
    CharlieS Member Posts: 10
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    No. One and done. I’m exhausted.

  • persevere
    persevere Member Posts: 234
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    edited May 17

    Boy, this thread was very popular. Maybe one approach is to find someone who is or has gone through the same thing. They will be the only ones who can truly relate. Maybe there’s an internet dating service waiting to be developed - lol. As for myself I do the same daydreaming of having time to myself and maybe an occasional relationship. But I share the same concerns about having to go down the same caregiver road however small the probability. At the same time I loved having someone to love and live life with so who knows. But never marriage. That would be a mistake at this stage. Recently I reconnected with the only other woman I had serious feelings for which was my high school sweetheart online. I think she still carries a little bit (actually maybe more) of a torch. It was nice to reconnect. But not a single regret for my life’s path and no desire to go play the field at this time. All focus on DW for now. But I definitely don’t judge anyone who has a different path.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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