Dating while still married and caring for my wife

 My husband developed EOAD in his fifties. I was also in my fifties. Five years after diagnosis, he entered MC, not knowing me.

Months later, by happenstance, I met and fell in love with a mental health counselor (not mine), and pastor, with whom I shared a common language. My husband continued his decline in MC.

Eight months after we met, my new friend was diagnosed with glioblastoma. Tumor debulking resulted in left-sided paralysis and subsequent care in ECF’s. The last six weeks of his life I cared for him in my home, as his 28 year old son OD’d just as his father was being discharged to his care.

I buried father and son.  Funerals were attended by my friend’s many friends and patients. Never did I get a hint of judgment from anyone who was aware of my situation. My family attended the funerals.  On the other hand, I was not interested in anyone else’s opinion about this situation.  

Both my husband and my friend are gone.  I have no regrets. 

"Extra marital" is another one of those judgmental phrases that can be thrown in someone's face.  The problem is who is the judge of whether marriage de jure or defacto  is involved
Some folks just can't get way from a purely legalistic idea of marriage

 

  

Something bothers me about this post…. As others have mentioned, I don’t know why it is posted in the first place.

The big thing for me is the question: Do you just want companionship or a girlfriend? (Fiends with benefits as someone mentioned.) A companion to me is a friend. You can have a friend who is of the opposite sex. You can do things together, without being “boyfriend/girlfriend.” But, you keep mentioning “dating.” That is a girlfriend/boyfriend” thing to me and indicates that you are looking for more, and it will inevitably lead to more. Men, by nature, are more needy when it comes to physical satisfaction.

If she doesn’t like the idea that you are married, then she is seeing it as more than “a companionship,” too. If I were her, I’d wonder if you would do the same thing to me in the same situation…. 

You say your wife has a “boyfriend.” Maybe she does or maybe she doesn’t. Or maybe she thinks the other man is really you…

You obviously can do what you want. You don’t need anyone here to say it is okay or not. But just be honest with yourself as to what it is you are looking for.

I read the article from the paper. I can see how it would be much easier to date someone who had gone through or is going thru dementia with a spouse. At least they know what you are dealing with. I certainly wouldn’t criticize anyone for choosing to date.

That sounds like such a complicated situation to be in. Balancing care for a spouse while exploring dating must bring a lot of mixed feelings. One time, someone close to me was in a similar spot and found some unexpected relief by going to a spot like 신림셔츠 — you know, those places with private rooms that offer a bit more privacy and calm. It helped them sort through emotions without feeling overwhelmed by crowds.

There has been others on this site that have dated while their spouses where in MC. I have stated that I would like to have a close relationship with a woman before. Good men friends are good but no matter what I still believe men and women are different. Dating can mean a lot of things. I wanted the companionship and closeness. I don't mean sex I mean emotional closeness (I haven't had that for a very long time. Our marriage has not been good for a long time). After a lot of thought I have realized I don't think I will ever have that kind of relationship, even after my wife is gone because I don't think I can ever commit to someone out of fear, because I can't take the chance of having to do this again. Friends are good but getting closer would be very difficult.

Sounds like you're messing around with a smart lady, who sees trouble on the horizon. As for you, read Just Bill post. Dan I get you want to move on with your life, a lot of us want the same, play the hand you've been dealt first.