Children of parent's who have died from Alzheimer's

I'm sorry for your loss. No one should tell you how or when to grieve. And I truly hope you and your sister find your way back to each other soon.

You can try your local Alzheimer's Association chapter for resources: https://www.alz.org/local_resources/find_your_local_chapter

I also found this book by a hospice chaplain. I haven't read it but it is well-reviewed: https://a.co/d/44Vcr0J

You may also want to reach out to your doctor for a therapist referral.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Dear Marian: I am so very sorry for losses—not only for your dear mother but for the relationships with those left behind. As others have said, grieving is an individual trial and journey. We all have our way of coping with all the changes and struggles. I pray that those relationships will soon once again be strong and fulfilling

My Mama passed away in October of 2020 after 3 weeks at home following a stroke, and I still ache for her every single day. My Daddy had been diagnosed with “early” Alzheimer’s about 5 years earlier and had refused to take medication. We didn’t realize how much of his disease that she was “managing” and keeping from us. My husband and I saw them every day and saw the signs but didn’t realize how fast it was progressing until Mama passed away. The grief overtook him, and he had a very significant stroke in Christmas Day in 2020. I took early retirement to take care of him 24/7, taking him to PT and working through therapy to get him to walk and function as much as possible. Seeing the residual dementia from the stroke and the Alzheimer’s take over his body and mind was devastating.

We live right behind their house, and after six months, I starting staying at home at night to give him some sense of independence, having motion detectors and cameras to allow for some oversight. Things progressed so quickly, and the difficult days far outweighed the good days.

He passed away in March of this year with the primary cause of death of Alzheimer’s. Seeing that in writing was overwhelming. It still washes over me quite often. I am fortunate that my husband is supportive, but there is no one that can feel our pain unless they have dealt with that personal and intimate situation with Alzheimer’s. His parents are both deceased from medical issues, he only dealt with Alzheimer’s through my Daddy, and he wasn't as close to his parents, so he still doesn’t understand all the nuances of the losses of my dear parents. Some days are so much worse than others.

We are trying to clean out their house and outbuildings, working six days a week to go through the “stuff” and accumulations of their 63 years of marriage. We just can’t leave the house to fall into further disrepair (he was adamant after Mama passed away that nothing change). There are days that I come here to this forum to find some sort of solace from the pain and sorrow. I pray that you too will find respite here. Sometimes it’s so hard and some days are never ending, but I am starting to have fond memories overshadow some of the difficult ones. The holidays will be even more difficult this year, but I’m praying that my wonderful memories of Mama and Daddy through the good years before all the changes brought by life’s challenges will fill the season with peace and hope for us all. Take care, my friend.

I understand. All my love and compassion.

I am so sorry for your loss. There is no limit to grief and sucking it up mean keeping it inside. I was very grateful that in New York there was an Alzheimer's group and it helped me while my mother was alive but when my mother died 14 years ago, I stopped going to the groups since most of the participants parent's were still alive. I find that grief becomes more complicated when others such in your case are either steering away from you or just not understanding. I had another group of friends and my sisters whom I was able to share stories and the grief. I wish you all and will keep you in prayers. May you and your sister find each other again.