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Mom thinks I’m wearing a mask

PurpleFinch
PurpleFinch Member Posts: 6
Second Anniversary First Comment
Member

Hi all! For the past few months my mom has made comments about how I am not her daughter although I look like her. She has made comments about me wearing such a good mask because I look so much like her daughter. She also says that her daughter hates her and does not want to be around her so I cannot be her daughter when I visit. I was hoping this was just a phase that would last a few weeks as some of her other behaviors/unusual thoughts. However, it just seems to be getting worse. She did not want to be alone with me when I visited her this week because I wasn’t her “real” daughter… has anyone else experienced this with their LO?

Comments

  • terei
    terei Member Posts: 838
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Insightfuls Reactions 250 Likes 500 Comments
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    Not recognizing loved ones is very very common for PWD. I would just go along with her delusion ‘well, I am visiting in her place this week’ and change the subject.

  • annmariev
    annmariev Member Posts: 3
    First Comment
    Member

    It’s so hard..& emotionally draining

    Have you tried to recall pleasant times or an event you shared with your mom ? Photos?

    my greatest fear is when my mom does not know me ..I have been her primary caregiver

  • terei
    terei Member Posts: 838
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Insightfuls Reactions 250 Likes 500 Comments
    Member

    This is not uncommon. The best course is to just say that daughter is away (vacation) + you are helping out while she is gone. Use any excuse for her absence that she will accept.

  • Ci2Ci
    Ci2Ci Member Posts: 111
    100 Comments 5 Care Reactions 5 Insightfuls Reactions First Anniversary
    Member

    Yup. I had to move my mother to SNF-MC because she started more and more to have this imposter syndrome, even thinking that I was a kidnapper. It became dangerous for us both, and others. (She once had an episode of this while I was driving at high speed on interstate, and thus tried to escape the car --> grab the steering wheel / gear shift --> knock me unconscious with her cane.)

    Consider that in your mother's mind, you are likely a teenager or younger. So, your adult appearance does not match your mother's expectation of you. If you can be content to be your mother's "longtime friend" (try to alter your appearance if need be???), if she will accept that explanation, probably the best path forward. Resort to phone visits, if it gets dangerous for her/you/others.

    My mother now has lost about the last 40 years of memory -- now stuck in ~1980. (I try to determine her timeline right away so that I know how to play along.) However, she can think that I am a teenager while at the same time knowing that she is 88 years old. It seem also sometimes thinking that I am a teenager while discussing my life as an adult. Competing/conflated facts. Dementia defying logic.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more