how to deal with mom not knowing me

Hi irene. Yes, i think you just roll with it. It happens with us spouses too, and it is soul crushing when your partner of 30 years doesn't know your name. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, as she is likely to pick up on your emotional upset. The first instances of it happening are usually quite shocking.

My mom has recently decided that I am sometimes a nice young woman who wanted her to be my mom, and decided to start calling her mom, but I’m not her daughter (she does believe she has a daughter with my name; she just doesn’t always think I’m that person). It rarely happens when we’re together, mostly when I’m not there and she’s talking about me or when I’m on the phone. It is sad, but I’ve come to realize it’s truly nothing personal. I go with it now. It’s weird and freaky but then I remember how strained our relationship was most of my adult life. I’m trying to take this time to really be there for her, to feel unconditional love. It’s hard and weird, but it’s kind of working. I’m so sorry. No matter your relationship it is never easy.

I am going through this right now she know my brother and baby but don’t know me she think I am out to take her house.😭😭😭

She knows you're a person who loves and cares for her ♥️

This happens so often... that the primary caregiver is the one that gets disassosciated from their name or the memory of what they're 'supposed' to look like first.

It makes you wonder if there's a pattern between seeing someone the most but linking their face to a different memory.

I don't know if it's a thing, but from what I see on the forum here it seems like recalling the caregiver's face/name or thinking that they aren't family crops up as the disease progresses. Maybe it's just because the primary caregiver is there the most often, so there's more opportunity for it to occur?

I am seldom able to see my mother (in SNF-MC) in person due to being out of state, but speak to her at least weekly by phone. At this stage, my mother is rather stuck in ~1980.

The staff will often tell her that her daughter is on the phone, and say that my mother gets all excited. I almost never state that I am her daughter, just say my name. But, she always responds with "my darling daughter" (or such). In chats, I completely avoid any time-specific topics; just general small talk. Since I cannot be sure where she is in her timeline. I might not even exist, at the time.

Today, I don't think that staff told her who was on the phone. I stated my name, as usual. I asked her if she knew who she was speaking to, and she said "My sister." This time, I did state that I [name] am actually her daughter. To which she replied: "Aren't my sister and my daughter the same person?"

Interesting. That was new. (In the past, she has had episodes of not reconciling that her only daughter is the same person who lived in 3+ different cities at different times and not separate daughters.)

I visit my mom nearly every day. Some days she recognizes me, some days she doesn't. Some days she thinks I'm her sister. At one point the aids thought I was her sister, so she probably told them that's who I was. This has been going on for about 4 years. When I visit I always take her hand, look her in the eyes and say "Hey, mom, it's me, your daughter ---" and eventually recognition flickers. Although often in the course of conversation she's back to thinking I'm her sister.

Strangely, she seems to recognize my husband more consistently than she does me.

As others have said you learn to roll with it.