Telling the truth

@Buggytoo

The short answer is NO.

Kindness is always the more noble choice.

Pragmatically speaking, the logistics of the move will be easier and safer on you if you create a narrative that causes him the least amount of anxiety and pain.

Even if this behavior was typical of your relationship, his brain is diseased, and he can no longer be held responsible for his actions. You have been denied closure on this. And, yes, it is beyond unfair.

You sound angry. And I get that. Me too. My mom and I had to work through a lot of anger in the context of dad having been less than I deserved as a child and ghastly as a husband much of the time. Mom, especially struggled with not trying to get the upper hand against a man who was emotionally abusive most of their marriage. The few times before she learned to do better, she risked antagonizing him into violent outbursts which could have ended terribly for both of them.

One thing that helped mom was medication and a talk therapist to support her and help her work through her very justifiable anger at the situation in which she found herself. I'd worked through my issues with dad decades prior, so I was more able to remove myself emotionally from the vitriol most of the time once I truly embraced the mantra of it's the disease talking.

Is your husband taking any medications for his explosive outbursts and agitation? If not, I would pursue this first. Not necessarily to avoid placement, but to make sure you don't have to deal with him being sent to the ER and not allowed to return to the MCF. If things are critical, you could have him transported to the ER of a hospital with a geripsych management ahead of the move to MC. You don't deserve to be living in a state of constant agitation and walking on eggs shells. In an ironic twist, once dad was properly medicated and his disease progressed, he settled into a much gentler and sweeter version of who he'd been which brought a closure I never expected to have. YMMV.

HB