Is it wrong to continue driving?

Welcome to the forum. The first thing to do is to find an auto insurance company that will cover a person driving with an Alzheimer’s diagnosis, even with a driving evaluation. While he may be able to drive, if a car were to unexpectedly pull out in front of him or if a child were to run out in the street, would he be able to react quickly enough to avoid injuring or killing them? Would you let him drive with a young child in the car? HB is right, there are strong opinions on this. There is at least one person here that had a loved one seriously injured by a person driving with dementia. Could you live with that?

Alzheimer’s affects perception. I noticed my husband having trouble with the road lines. I was about to have a serious talk about this withvhim when he handed me the keys and said he no longer should drive. Take the keys….

Hello, and welcome to the group! Everyone is right about checking with your insurance. But Crushed set me on a different path years ago when we were dealing with the same question. Granted, our insurance would cover him in the case of an accident. However, we would be unprotected from a personal lawsuit for driving with the diagnosis. It could ruin us financially from the get go. Once we understood that, it was much easier for him to stop driving.

I’m so sorry you witnessed that and cannot imagine the grief of that poor family. It’s a reminder to all of us dealing with someone who still thinks they can drive.

Hello Kimeche,

I am in the exact same situation. My husband has gotten used to my driving on longer trips (i.e., expressway or unfamiliar areas, nighttime), and even some local trips. I just assume I'm driving and he seems to go along with it more and more. I'm hoping it helps him aclimate to the idea of not driving. I work full time and of course he does not, so yes, I do miss sending him on errands. But then, he often comes home with the wrong product or "unauthorized" (sweet treat) item, so the convenience is not always really convenient! I keep a sense of humor about these things. My DH's doc also told him he can drive locally in familiar areas and not at night. So far, DH accepts that, but I my goal is to keep reducing his driving and stop it completely with or without his doctor's recommendation. So, my suggestion is to consider begining to do the driving and allow him to get used to it before denying him the car keys.

We (I) have had so many major decisions to make, that it is really my faith and relationship with Jesus that guides and comforts me. I feel I receive the grace to make decisions and be firm about what I need to do. If you have a prayer life and a relationship with God, press into that.

Take care. Peace.

FMK

Just wanted to add something that helped for us in case it helps anyone reading this - my parents got a new car around the time we needed to end driving for mom. It had way more tech than she was used to (electronic everything, the button to start it instead of a key, shifter in a different place etc.) I don't think she could have even started it if she wanted to because it was different and dementia usually prevents our LOs from learning new things like that. It was a different model and color and I don't think she really recognized it as belonging to them when she saw it in the driveway. If resources allow, the driving transition may be a good time to trade up to add a layer of separation for the PWD and the car they are accustomed to.

FYI, I am not connected in any way to the following company. A few years ago, I gave up my car for about a year and a half. I decided to give uber a try. For grocery shopping I used the instacart app. Covid hit, and I no longer considered uber a safe option, so I went back to owning my own car. But I still use instacart. It's an app on my phone. I find it very convienient to put my order in and have it delivered. Maybe you can have the non-driving spouse assist bringing in the grocieries you order.

You may need to hide the keys (multiple times) and if possible, the car. Sometimes, out of sight, out of mind.

Is this all super inconvenient for you? Yes. But as everyone is reiterating, this could save someone's life. Or cost it. Your LO or some innocent bystander or driver. Inconvenience or denial needs to take a back seat.

I will not post some of the horror stories here. There are many headlines that illustrate the fatal disasters that could have been avoided if driving just that once, did not happen. @Phoenix1966's post says it all. OMG.

Often there was a family member that had a suspicion, but did not realize the seriousness or just did not act on it in time, to avoid uncomfortable feelings for a little while longer. It seemed totally irresponsible to me in our situation to kick that risky can down the road. So I went subterfuge on a mission, and got DH off the road without him ever knowing it was my doing. Because at some point regardless, the driving needs to stop. Why not do it before tragedy strikes?

Please think of others, not just your LO's wishful thinking of not letting go despite dementia. They lose empathy and good judgment among the other skills. You must think rationally because they are no longer reliable to do so. And again, the inconvenience factor — that is just not a reason to risk someone else's life and limb.

I really wonder about what some doctors are thinking! I go to a Brain Health and Wellness clinic at a research hospital and one of the providers recommended a PET scan. For reference, my DH tested at a 13/30 on his last MoCa test a year and a half ago and because he is 68, the Dr. wanted to rule in/out FTD. I requested the dr prescribe some anti anxiety med to take for the PET scan, in case he showed agitation before the scan, and the dr did so. The crazy thing was that in addition to sending in the prescription, she sent me a note saying make sure he doesn't drive if he takes this medication. Go with him to make sure he has a ride home. We live 40 minutes outside of the city, its a very confusing location to navigate and parking is challenging. How could this doctor possibly have thought he would be driving?? Note: he hasn't driven in over two years, as I stopped that as soon as he almost ran a red light.