As of 2:00 today, my DH is in Memory Care

I hope you are able to get some much needed rest . Sending (((hugs))). You journey has been a tough one and I pray that MC adjustment goes well for your DH

Oh, so hard, I know. You’ll shed lots of tears as you go thru this change. Change like this is just so difficult to wrestle, and wrestle you will. May you be comforted by trusting your reasons for making this decision when doubts come flirting. You wouldn’t have made this choice unless necessary for you both as a married couple. You’re still married, and you’re still his wonderful wife dealing with his formidable illness.

There is a misnomer that placing your spouse is taking the easy way out, having been through it, it isn’t. It was one the hardest parts of Alzheimer’s for me. It took awhile for me to understand that as much as he railed against it, a smaller routined environment for him was well overdue. His worries about things and trying to keep up with what’s going on in my bigger world of managing a home and staying connected with family and friends is so much less stress in his controlled “home”. Everyone’s spouse is unique, mine was my shadow and until his dying breath he will desire to keep up with me. I visit him now twice a day, we go for walks in parks, church, coffee, and I shower him and tuck him in to bed each night. I can focus totally on him and he so loves these times. It’s win/win, and I know in his well mind, he would understand.

This is not to say, I’m not missing what we enjoyed pre Alzheimer’s, or even early Alzheimer’s, the middle stages were hell, and no one can miss that, but this advanced stage of his loss of cognition is a peaceful one. I wonder about bringing him back home, but I see evidence of higher stress in him when we stop by our daughter’s house and the focus isn’t just on him.

Continue to take care of you, as you’re still so important in overseeing his good care!

Linda: is he on medications? Probably needed, keep talking to his docs. Cstrope, will be interested to hear how it's going.

Sounds pretty good for five days in, overall. I can only imagine that going back to an office environment was difficult. Glad those days are behind me....i hope you'll be able to establish a new healthy routine for yourself.

Good to hear that DH adjustment has gone fairly well. Best wishes to you as you now put one foot back into “ normal??”, and have one foot still in “dementia” world.

I would not be able to cope with this. I say this now, but I know we have a way of adapting and giving in, especially when we’re tired and our options are limited. I’d ask the doc for meds and see if that’s enough. Otherwise, or maybe once he’s settled on meds, I’d start thinking about placements and touring facilities. This is a very unsafe and unhealthy situation for both of you.

I’m so glad to hear that your husband is adjusting well to memory care. That is a blessing. My husband has been in memory care about 2 1/2 months now and I still miss him terribly. As others have said, you will adjust. I hope that going back to work, even though it’s a big adjustment for you, will be a blessing. You hang in and try to take extra good care of yourself. Sending hugs.

Happy for you that it's going well so far. It takes a long, long time to recover from the exhaustion—if one ever does completely. MC requires a different kind of vigilance.

I feel exactly as you do.My DW of 50 years has been in skilled nursing for two months now. I miss her terribly (not as she is, but as she was) and am very lonely, especially at night. Does anything help with the loneliness? I talk to my lab so much that she probably wants to tell me to be quiet.

welcome to the forum. My partner has been in MC for two years and still “packs up” almost daily. We can’t keep a laundry basket in her room because she packs it, and she will do the same thing with trash cans, so the ones that are there are very small. After a year in her current facility, the most progress is that she no longer takes the pictures off the walls. But she still unplugs the lamps and a music player. I’ve had to keep the furnishings and clothing to a minimum to try to accommodate. She will only shower and change clothes once a week, so we typically have them do laundry once a week, as we change sheets and towels on shower day too.

Long way of saying, some folks just do this. My partner still wants to leave, but she no longer remembers that we lived together, so it is less forceful now than it used to be. I hope your DH will settle quicker than my partner has.

Today he had taken his bed apart, unscrewing the legs and putting them in various dresser drawers (at least he's using the dresser for SOMEthing, I guess). The unmade mattress is on the floor. I just couldn't deal with it so I came home. Not sure if someone at the facility will fix the bed or if I will need to hire someone. (It's an adjustable, which I wish now I hadn't spent the money on — not sure where the remote wound up.) Sigh.

I am so sorry…..my heart breaks everyday for "us". He has been in Memory Care for 9 days right now… adjusting maybe, but each day everything changes with this disease.