Pool Safety?

What's your dad's feeling on this? Would he be willing to not open the pool saying he's waiting for a part for the filter? Is there a YMCA or community pool where you could see how she does in the water? Dad was able to swim laps until about 2 years before he died. As his disease progressed, he was always cold and avoided going in the pool.

My Mom was doing water aerobics into stage 4 at age 90, about two months before she came to live with me. she was always a good swimmer, and watching her at my house I had no concerns--physically she could swim and could get out of the pool on her own, and a big plus was that she liked to wear her water aerobics float belt. While she talked a good game about going for swims it wasn't long before it became like her showering—always thought she had been swimming each day, and when pressed to come in the water she would decline—either telling me she thought she had a UTI or would just say 'later'. It had to be a roasting hot to get her in (Mid-July, 90+ degree weather). She would go in if I would, but wouldn't swim on her own. Mostly she was happy just to bob around on a float. She swam maybe 3-4 times the first summer for about 10 minutes each, then once the second summer, and then she wouldn't even change into a swimsuit when I'd bring her to the house. It's like she just stopped liking water. Loved to sit out in the heat though…

You can always do a trial run and see how it goes—I'm predicating this on assuming that her ADL's are intact and that someone will be with her. Might be better to see how she does anyway, since your dad leaves her alone sometimes…

This is about more than the pool.

Poor executive function that presents as lapses in judgement can be catastrophic even without a pool. I saw this with my own mom who was caregiver to dad. His disease cost her a lot- the freedom to do as she pleased, leisure time as she picked up all of the household tasks dad used to do, financial security (dad made some bad financial decisions and care costs were looming), a fun social life as dad became unfiltered, as well as the loss of the bright and charming husband she married. She needed the break away from dad's repetitive chatter but didn't want to spend the money or deal with the anger of bringing in professional caregivers. Plus, she tended to see dad as less progressed and impaired than he actually was.

She left dad alone after I thought it was safe to. One afternoon she asked me to stay with him at the house as she was having a new HVAC installed and didn't want dad interfering, so I was there to answer questions if the crew had any. During the install, they called downstairs to let us know they'd be soldering which could set of the smoke detectors. A few minutes later they went off. After about 30 seconds dad asked what the awful noise was. I answered, "smoke detectors". He sat there for another 20 seconds or so, stood up saying "I must get your mother" and toddled down the hall towards his bedroom. He did not recall she wasn't home, he did not call 911 (despite the cell phone in his hand) or tell me to and he walked away from the doors out of the house. In a real fire, he'd have died.

When mom came home, we had a CTJ about him being alone. I told her I was willing to deploy the nuclear option and call APS. There is a time when a PWD probably can be left home alone for a short time much as you might leave a responsible 10-year-old to run to the store. Like driving, this is one of those situations that can be OK until the first time it isn't, and you might not get a warning before something terrible happens.

In what stage would you say your mom is? What helped me make my point was Tam Cumming's 7 Stages of Dementia handout— it offers developmental age equivalencies for each stage of dementia. Starting page 12. If she's in stage 5, her days of being home by herself safely may be over.

HB

Welcome to the forum, yet sorry you’re on this journey too.

My first thought while reading your post was about an experience I had with my granddaughter when she was four. She was a good little paddler and breath holder then and swam in our hot tub often. Really was a great way to learn how to handle swimming since it wasn’t cold and is shallow enough to stand and kick off to the other side. (For those that might cringe at this thought, the temp is turned down to 99 when the babés use it and they always have constant/close supervision). Anyway, once when she was going under to grab a toy or whatever, she was under a little longer than I expected and just as I was going to grab her, she came up sputtering and coughing, water out the nose etc… She wasn’t crying just seemed really stunned and uncomfortable, of course. After talking with her I deduced that while under the water she felt like she needed air and instead of coming up she tried to take a breath under the water, basically forgetting where she was and what she needed to do. If my granddaughter didn’t have the executive function to figure out the next step and/or supervision she would have drowned. I now tell anyone who’s supervising my hot tub about the possibility of this happening because, of course, children don’t have it all together.

Dementia patients also don’t have it all together. What if your mom forgets the steps to swim safely, breathing air instead of water etc…

I hope you find a solution that can work for everyone. Every step of this disgusting disease is hard.