Mover closer?

W.L. · August 7

Hi, I may have posted this earlier in a wrong or little visited place so I', posting here too hoping for some advice from those who have experienced this. Short back story, my wife has been in memory care in Fresno Ca. for 2 1/2 years. Her son lives seven miles from where she is and sees her twice a week. She is currently level six. I live in Boise Idaho. I moved here to be close to my daughters because of health issues,those have improved though.

I want to move her closer to me (with her sons encouragement) but don't know how the move might affect her. I certainly do not want to cause her any set back or trauma. (A side note, she often mistakes her son for me.) The move is 725 miles, not an easy one day trip. As you can imagine, I miss her terribly as I'm only able to see her every couple of months and only a week or so at a time. If she were here I could see her everyday.

Have any of you moved your spouse from one facility and long distance and if so how did it affect them? I want to do what is best for her but also what is best for us. Please share your experience, good or bad with me. thank you

Lee

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Quilting brings calm · August 7

@abc123

I don’t know if abc123 will see this, she hasn’t been on here in some time. She moved her parents long distance close to her when her mom was in advanced stages. She used a long distance medical transport service. It cost several thousand dollars.

jfkoc · August 7

I know how much you miss your wife which leads you to this decision.

It will take a toll but at stage 6 you have to weigh out how important that is. Have you thought of moving there temporarily? Also consider how often you will actually be able to visit if you wife makes the move and have you located a facility?

M1 · August 7

Welcome back to the forum, I think I remember when you moved a while back. I can't imagine the distance is going to make one whit of difference to your wife, I think the only question is how it would affect the two of you and whether proximity to you is important enough to undertake this. Her world is very small and she probably has no clue what city she's in anyway (my partner no longer remembers where she is, also stage 6 and in MC for over two years). I moved my partner from one MC facility to another without much trouble at all. I think the only practical issue for her is the trip—would you escort her on a plane, or would you use a transport service, or would you drive (I would think that would be the least desirable option)? Once she's with you, is seeing you more frequently going to make a difference in her life and yours? I know it will for you, but whether it will make a significant difference for her is open to debate. I say this because my partner of 30 years no longer remembers that we ever lived together. Although I visit her every day, two days ago she told me she was shocked to see me because it had been such a long time, and she asked me whether I wanted to "resume" our relationship. Ouch.

W.L. · August 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/218391#Comment_218391

Thank you and the others that have replied. I'm in the very early stages of exploring the possibilities of doing this. Many unanswered questions so far. I have spoken with two facilities here and both have suggested this move is not a good idea, I greatly appreciate their candor.

I'm not rushing into this, hence the post on here, it's a fact finding mission with what's best for her being the goal.

Thanks again, I'll keep coming back here to see what others have to say.

Lee

W.L. · August 16

Well, as hard as it is I/we have decided to leave her where she is. Ii was advised by two local MC facilities not to attempt it. She is accustomed to where she is and the journey (over 700 miles) by plane or car would be hard for her. I had reservation anyway so not a great let down making this decision, but disappointing non the least. I love her and only want what is best for her.

Gods' blessings on all

Lee

Bill_2001 · August 16

W.L. -

Good decision to let her stay put. Stage 6 is too advanced for a move unless there is a very compelling reason. I know you miss her, but letting her stay put is better for her stability.

God Bless,

Bill_2001

Elshack · August 17

I am glad you made that decision. You can still visit her every couple of months. As others have said, their loved one in MC does not remember when you visit, how often you visit etc. I think you made the best decision for both of you, W.L. I hope your health continues to improve and glad that you have your daughters nearby.

Mover closer?

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