Blocking porn on laptops/cell phones

@LS12345

It's best to remove the devices. It's the safest approach. Porn sites can be dangerous for someone who has little social filter and executive function. Some sites require fees and he could inadvertently end up on sites being monitored by law enforcement for things like children or trafficked individuals.

You slip the devices into airplane mode and change the WiFi password if he uses them for games.

HB

My daughter has parental controls of some kind on the grandkids tablets. I’m not real tech savvy so I’m not exactly sure. If you can’t get the controls on his laptop could you buy a tablet and set it up with his favorite games then block everything else so he can’t go online without a password? I think this way would mean blocking all internet. Could you delete the browser so all he can get to is the things he has an app for? I hope you can find something that works.

well I hope you can find something that works. Your fear of his lability is telling though….a hard lesson is that safety has to drive the decision making, and if he’s that prone to tantrums you probably need to discuss with his doctors. Have you told his docs about the pornography? You definitely should, as hyper sexuality is not uncommon and can be manipulated somewhat with medication. There are probably many safety steps looming that he may not like, but you can’t let him drive this bus. No more than you would let a toddler’s tantrums influence your parenting decisions.

PWDs become unable to manage the complexities of their daily living, including taking necessary medications. Eventually, the family caregiver must take over the supervision of instrumental ADLs, including making sure that necessary medications are taken. Sometimes necessary medications may need to be crushed and added to food or coffee, after approval by the pharmacist.

Iris

I would set up a new device like a tablet set up with parental controls by you with allowed sites only. My bigger concern is that you don’t have control of his medication. At this point someone should be giving him meds, they should not be self administered. I had an older relative without dementia who visited these sites and was constantly having issues with viruses infecting his computer. It’s dangerous to have him with free access to everything at this point.

Who has power of attorney for him? That person holds the decision making authority....

I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion and also may be considered naive. If he gets something out of watching porn, can’t you just let him have that? If you’re able to confirm that the sites are legit adult porn and he’s not being taken advantage of, and it seems to bring him some kind of enjoyment, then let him have it. Like maybe there’s a way to download something that doesn’t require Wi-Fi to use then he could just watch that over and over again. Idk because it’s been a long time since I’ve watched any. But I’m guessing there is a safe way to do it.

You've received good advice. Taking away devices needs to be on your radar, because there is more trouble than just porn to get into. A therapeutic fib about the wifi being down or the laptop being in the shop for repair will go a long way. As a stop gap you could try parental controls. You can change your internet router to use open DNS with family shield. That will block adult content and some malware. You would need to turn off cellular data on his phone so it's just on wifi. Remember this would still allow him to get into financial sites, or some malware that could jeopardize all info on the computer, talking to strangers, giving up important info to strangers, and scams, so locking down passwords on al financial accounts, freezing his credit, taking away credit cards and having a close eye on all that would still be necessary.

I know someone who went to jail for their porn situation. No dementia, just making bad choices. They claim they didn't know the nature of what they downloaded from a website or that it involved minors, whether that's true I don't know. But it was monitored by the FBI and he is literally in jail right now. It's nothing to mess around with. Making your loved one angry is better than some alternatives.

Would he accept something like the Grand Pad? it's a tablet designed for folks with dementia and locked down so they have very limited access to the internet and games.

You may want to engage his physician as you start to take away the pornographic stuff. He may have hyper sexualization issues that can come with dementia, and medication can help with it. Whether he finds other unpleasant outlets for this behavior, or becomes angry and combative over it, medication may be needed.

The emails you are receiving are beyond creepy. Law Enforcement wouldn't handle anything that way, so he clearly has told someone online where he lives or somehow compromised his anonymity. I would get him cut off the normal internet immediately. This sounds dangerous. There comes a time in this journey for most of us as caregivers where we have to be the bad guy, take the heat, do hard things. This sounds very clearly like you need to do that. He has engaged with some bad actor online and you are receiving a warning via these weird emails. Use fibs about things needing to get repaired, let him get upset, whatever it takes. He's a vulnerable adult now with a compromised brain, an illness he cannot recover from. His family needs to protect him from bad actors online, blackmail, illegal activity that could result in being arrested, protect his assets etc. This is your legal and ethical duty now. Please take action immediately. If you don't know how to put parental controls in place hire someone to come to the house and do it while someone takes dad out to lunch, or order up the Grand Pad and send the laptop away "to the shop for repairs."

This is a situation where permanently stopping his internet access is vital. No matter what his reaction is. I would have a safety plan and know what geriatric psychiatry inpatient facilities exist in your area. You are risking his and possibly your assets, criminal charges, etc. If someone ends up with a sex offender conviction, won’t you wish you had stopped his internet access? Do not assume he is only watching adults in those videos. (He has brain damage and no concept of distinguishing between a preteen, teen under 18, and an adult). You’re playing with fire and minimizing the risk here. No one will care if he has dementia, and no memory care facilities will accept him when necessary.

@LS12345 I saw this in my local news and wondered if this is the scam you're describing here.