Packing up to go to other home

KathyBol · January 6

My DH is packing up the car to go to his house. When I ask him where that is, he says our address. I have him look outside to see the neighbor's house, the street we live on, the yard, etc. He will agree this is the address, but there is another place. He has been going in an out so much the house is freezing! ( it is 21 outside right now)

This delusion has been on his mind for quite a while. He packs the car , insists he is leaving, then the next day wonders why all that stuff is in the car! This time, though, he started talking about it last night, and followed through packing this morning.

I told him I wanted to see this other place and we will go there today. I will drive him around today, and have SIRI direct us to the address, which will be ours. I have not been able to distract him, he only becomes agitated. So, right now, he is still packing!

This is really getting tiring. Has anyone else dealt with this? What works?

easy23 · January 6

My DH is in MC now, but when he was home he used to want to go to the other "home." I used to drive him around for 15 minutes and then go back home and announce "we're here!" Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Good luck with this problem, I found it to be very stressful, especially when DH started waking up in the middle of the night wanting to go home or school or work. The problem has almost stopped since he has been in MC.

KathyBol · January 6

Thank you. I just checked the car, there is barely room for driver! I did hide the keys, even though he has not driven for a month now.
Interesting that the problem stopped when he moved away from home. Such a cruel disease.

Kat63 · January 6

My DH did the very something thing during Stage 6. He would pack the car every afternoon and then yes the next morning say who put all this stuff in the car and unpack it. Unfortunately this lasted well over a year. We are in Texas and was particularly bad in the summer when it was so hot. He would sweat through all clothes to where he had to be changed. Nothing really helped with the packing. Medication did help with the wanting to go home. It still happened but with the medicine it was easier to redirect or accept the fiblets I would use. The packing the car was just what he did to be busy. Now that he is early Stage 7 he now stays inside more and just moves my shoes around that are at the hall bench in baskets. Takes me longer to find two shoes that match, but not a real big deal.

freddobsonsikes · January 7

My DW is constantly wanting to go home and gathers her clothes every day and she get's mad when I ask her to put them up. She is so adamite that she needs to leave because someone needs to come here and live. This is the major conflict we have daily otherwise she is very sweet. I just don't know what to do!!

SDianeL · January 7

so sorry this is happening. Arguing won’t help. Telling he’s home won’t help. They want to go “home” due to anxiety. They no longer know where home is. Talk to the doctor. Meds will help. Try fibbing and redirect or distract. Tell him the car won’t start or is in the shop. Can you hide the car? There are locks you can put on the doors so he can’t go out. That should come soon anyway. Not much you can do about the packing but you could hide all but a few things and give him a suitcase to “pack” and tell him you’ll go tomorrow. Fib again and tell him they are working on the house that he thinks is his other home. It’s so sad. Hugs.

SDianeL · January 7

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/i-want-go-home-what-to-say-to-someone-in-dementia-care

KathyBol · January 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233203#Comment_233203

Thank you , We have an appointment for tomorrow, DH wants to cancel, I am trying not to say anything more about it and hope we can just go out and wind up there. I switched his key fob for one with a dead battery. I have an air tag in his wallet, but I fear that he will figure out how to change the battery! Every once in a while, he demonstrates surprising ingenuity!

BPS · January 8

No help but my wife is in MC and sometimes asks me when she can go home. I asked her about home thinking she was talking about the house we have lived in for 35 years but she describes someplace totally different. her descriptions are perry vague but not our house. My mom lived in a mother in law apartment we have for over 20 years and would ask when she is going home. Home means something different to them.

Goodlife2025 · January 8

New to this site and glad to have found a place where others will understand the unusual circumstances of caring for and living with a LO with dementia.

Cindy9519 · January 8

So sorry you are experiencing this situation. My husband frequently wants to go home and when I ask him what he wants to do there he says anything he wants. I think he gets bored and feels trapped since he doesn’t drive any more. I know how hard it is and hope you and his doctor can help him with his anxiety.

KathyBol · January 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233160#Comment_233160

We are in Rhode Island, it is very cold here. DH has been trying to start the car since 4:30 this morning. I tried to redirect him with breakfast, and told him we would figure it in time for doctor appointment.

Nothing is working, so at least I know he can’t drive away ! He was packing my shoes this morning, but caught him in time to keep them!

KathyBol · 3:39PM

I just want to share a little good news! We went to the neurologist yesterday. He increased DH Donezepril (sp), and ordered a refit of his CPap mask with a new respiratory therapist. We had the best nights sleep in over a week, with just the extra med. DH is in a great mood, and bringing in all the items someone left in the garage and car. I don't know how long this will last, but right now I'm delighted!

Packing up to go to other home

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