A Cautionary Tale: Details Emerging About Hackman's Death
I'll put a trigger warning here. This is difficult reading.
It has been determined that Gene Hackman died from cardiovascular disease and Alzheimer's a full week after his wife succumbed to Hantavirus. She was among the oft quoted 1/3 of caregivers who died before their LO. Friends describe his wife as fit, healthy and 3 decades younger than her husband.
This is a reminder that caregivers need to have someone looking out for them regularly as well as a solid Plan B.
Comments
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So true, @harshedbuzz
It is such a tragic story.
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this is so tragic. And a good reminder for all of us to have a Plan B. Thanks for posting.
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This is such an important thing. One of the problems with being a good caregiver is the rest of the family and friends think since the LO is in good hands, they don't have to worry. This is especially true if they know the caregiver is diligent about self care in terms of health, exercise and nutrition. Dasha Kiper's book "Travelers to Unimaginable Lands" offers some excellent insights regarding caregiver challenges.
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It is also important to have some kind of daily communication set up with others so that no great time elapses, as in this case a week, where the PWD is left "alone". It doesn't take but a minute to call to say all is AOK. It would be good if there was some kind of community "check-in" set up so that those who live alone and those who are caregivers could have a safety net. An alert for a wellness check by the police could go out to make sure no problems.
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That sounds like a very practical idea. My daughter checks on us most days, our son lives 1500kl away so that’s hard, we have SOS watches etc but you still feel alone with this 24/7 thing.
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I’ve been thinking about this too. It’s so sad that they had no one checking on them.
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@loveskitties
In reading a couple articles about this, it seems like they really kept to themselves. Trades people who worked for them regularly claimed that most of their interactions were by phone or text. There was speculation that perhaps she was protecting him against illness as she was masked whenever out in public. Or maybe she didn't want his diagnosis shared.
My experience with a police well check wasn't helpful. I suppose it typically is.
When dad was still undiagnosed (for a decade because mom blew my concerns off) but clearly in the middle stages, there phones went unanswered for 2 days. They were over 1000 miles away in FL and I did check in most days. I knew mom wasn't feeling well and then dad started to report that she was fine— off shopping or at the pool. When I called the local police non-emergency line for a well check, they called me back to tell me they'd talked to dad and that he was fine and mom was at the pool. The bit about the pool was pure confabulation— I found out mom was in the hospital in liver failure when the hospital called me the next day.
HB4 -
I agree about the welfare check. We had a great deal of trouble convincing a police officer to check on our son when 1). We hadn’t heard from him for over 36 hours and 2) he didn’t show up or call off work and 3) had an established medical condition. It took his boss telling the police that he was his most dependable worker and had never just not shown up for work to get them to go into the apartment. Nick had passed in his sleep.
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Like many people, this story really impacted me. I have come to think the story is a bit of an outlier. They lived on an estate within a gated community and were rarely seen by neighbors. She was fully committed to keeping his ALZ out of the news and to keep him from any communicable illness. This is probably why they were not using paid care givers. Her commitment to privacy is understandable given who he was and I am impressed at how effective she carried it out.
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The way Gene Hackman and his wife died has been on my mind. Last fall my DH and I both got Covid-19. I was very sick, he wasn't. That is when I started worrying about dying and leaving him alone.
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There are quite a few automated check-in services that will call you at a particular time and contact someone if you don't respond. The details and prices vary. Some have a free tier. Here are search results:
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@Timmyd
I would agree this is an extreme example of what happens when a caregiver predeceases their PWD. I can see why the wife assumed she'd outlive her terminally ill husband given that she was three decades younger than him. Studies say that this happens a third of the time.
I saw this happen with my aunt and uncle who were very private individuals. They lived remotely in coastal Maine. He clearly knew she was experiencing a cognitive shift but this wasn't shared. I suspect he thought given his robust health and family history of extreme longevity he'd outlive her. And then he was diagnosed with cancer and was gone within a week. No one in the family knew auntie was struggling cognitively until her sister went to visit and found her sitting in a cold, dark house wondering when the TV was going to come back on in a house about to be sold for taxes that weren't paid.
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The wife was NOT taking care of her husband
I lived in NM…Hunta virus is not rare…no one would provide this kind of environment for rodents, snakes and the like!!! This should have been reported to Adult Protective Services.
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My daughter insists I text her before 9 am every morning. Just a simple,e all is well suffices.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
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FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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