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Re: Grandson Wants to Watch his grandmother

CoryT
CoryT Member Posts: 14
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in Caring for a Parent

Hello, I have a question: My nephew (a police detective) his wife and children want to have lunch with their grandmother, and he seems to want me to leave. They say it's so I can take a break. They've never watched her alone before and have two young children, 3 and 8 years old. I've been my mother's caregiver for nearly two years, and she is having increased balancing issues. Not sure if I can trust them to watch her safely as they are often distracted with their kids running around the house. Not sure what to do and would appreciate any input.

I asked my mother's caregiver, and she said, "they have to be careful."

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  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,548
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    @CoryT

    So you're being offered a little break? Lucky you. I assume these are trustworthy adults.

    I would share you concerns about mom's mobility and balance issues with nephew so he can be proactive about her safety. I mean, there are 2 of them. One could manage the children while the other is charged with keeping mom safe.

    HB

  • eaglemom
    eaglemom Member Posts: 856
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    I'm a 'go with your gut' kind of person. If you are having misgiving, then just thank them and its over. However, this is an offer for you to have an all deserved break. If you voice your concerns to your nephew and wife (not in front of the children or your mom) that its a lovely offer and yes you'd love it. But you have to watch here closely because of her balance. Just tell them exactly how it is.

    Now, will your mom even want to go with your nephew? There is always that issue that could possibly come up. He has to know, if she doesn't want to do, she doesn't go, period. Discuss it and see what you find out.

    eagle

  • JulietteBee
    JulietteBee Member Posts: 187
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    @CoryT

    What is your biggest fear?

    I am reading in between the lines and am sensing that your fear has more to do with your mistrust of them, than it is about your concerns for mom's safety.

    I could be wrong. However, if I am correct, you can tell them thank you but let them know that they can give you a break even with you at the table. If mom needs food cut up, they do it. If mom needs the bathroom, the wife takes her. They can be the ones to help mom in and out of the vehicle, etc. That can allow you to enjoy a nice uninterrupted meal.

    For myself, I know there are people I would not trust to have one-on-one time alone with my mom, without me present. Currently, I can tell when my mom asks me questions that did not originate in her head and those ppl are the ones I will not leave my mom alone with.

    I believe in always trusting your gut.🙏🏽

  • CoryT
    CoryT Member Posts: 14
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250614#Comment_250614
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250581#Comment_250581
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250589#Comment_250589

    Thank you for your response. I appreciate it! 😊

  • CoryT
    CoryT Member Posts: 14
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    I'm rusty and not sure how to post a comment, but I appreciate your advice and input. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but it's more problems of trusting her safety (etc) than saving me a few hours. We have a caregiver who comes in once a week to give me a break. I really appreciate the time it took to respond! 😊

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,548
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    @CoryT

    It's really nice that someone cares enough to make time to see her. So many of us around here have struggled with the pain of watching their LO abandoned by adult children, grandchildren and friends.

    When dad was diagnosed and moved back to the area, I would venture that his brother visited for 45 minutes every 2 month (uncle visited his bestie who lived in the same community was on hospice a few times a week at the same time), one niece came every couple weeks and the other niece didn't visit dad in the 20 months he was in the area before he died. FTR, dad was very close to these girls; they lived with my parents for 5 years after their mom died. At the funeral luncheon, all of his old friends, nieces, nephew, golf buddies turned up; it would have been nice if they came to see him alive.

    I get it. It's hard to hand over care to someone you've not trained. LOL, I have a frail 87-year-old mom who has nearly every ailment excepting diabetes and dementia. My older niece and DS occasionally take her to a low stakes appointment to help me out. It generally goes sideways. Niece took mom for a swallow study where mom denied a history of GERD which was causing her silent aspiration and DS took mom for a PICC line dressing change and called because he (and she who I was taking weekly for some time) wasn't sure which building she was supposed to go to in a massive professional office complex. niece has mom on a road trip 300 miles away; I packed mom's emergency supplies and shared mom's patient portal log-in just in case. But I'm still sleeping with my phone.

    I hope your mom has a nice visit.
    HB

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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