Re: Grandson Wants to Watch his grandmother
Hello, I have a question: My nephew (a police detective) his wife and children want to have lunch with their grandmother, and he seems to want me to leave. They say it's so I can take a break. They've never watched her alone before and have two young children, 3 and 8 years old. I've been my mother's caregiver for nearly two years, and she is having increased balancing issues. Not sure if I can trust them to watch her safely as they are often distracted with their kids running around the house. Not sure what to do and would appreciate any input.
I asked my mother's caregiver, and she said, "they have to be careful."
Comments
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@CoryT
So you're being offered a little break? Lucky you. I assume these are trustworthy adults.
I would share you concerns about mom's mobility and balance issues with nephew so he can be proactive about her safety. I mean, there are 2 of them. One could manage the children while the other is charged with keeping mom safe.
HB1 -
I'm a 'go with your gut' kind of person. If you are having misgiving, then just thank them and its over. However, this is an offer for you to have an all deserved break. If you voice your concerns to your nephew and wife (not in front of the children or your mom) that its a lovely offer and yes you'd love it. But you have to watch here closely because of her balance. Just tell them exactly how it is.
Now, will your mom even want to go with your nephew? There is always that issue that could possibly come up. He has to know, if she doesn't want to do, she doesn't go, period. Discuss it and see what you find out.
eagle
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What is your biggest fear?
I am reading in between the lines and am sensing that your fear has more to do with your mistrust of them, than it is about your concerns for mom's safety.
I could be wrong. However, if I am correct, you can tell them thank you but let them know that they can give you a break even with you at the table. If mom needs food cut up, they do it. If mom needs the bathroom, the wife takes her. They can be the ones to help mom in and out of the vehicle, etc. That can allow you to enjoy a nice uninterrupted meal.
For myself, I know there are people I would not trust to have one-on-one time alone with my mom, without me present. Currently, I can tell when my mom asks me questions that did not originate in her head and those ppl are the ones I will not leave my mom alone with.
I believe in always trusting your gut.🙏🏽
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Thank you for your response. I appreciate it! 😊
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I'm rusty and not sure how to post a comment, but I appreciate your advice and input. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but it's more problems of trusting her safety (etc) than saving me a few hours. We have a caregiver who comes in once a week to give me a break. I really appreciate the time it took to respond! 😊
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@CoryT
It's really nice that someone cares enough to make time to see her. So many of us around here have struggled with the pain of watching their LO abandoned by adult children, grandchildren and friends.
When dad was diagnosed and moved back to the area, I would venture that his brother visited for 45 minutes every 2 month (uncle visited his bestie who lived in the same community was on hospice a few times a week at the same time), one niece came every couple weeks and the other niece didn't visit dad in the 20 months he was in the area before he died. FTR, dad was very close to these girls; they lived with my parents for 5 years after their mom died. At the funeral luncheon, all of his old friends, nieces, nephew, golf buddies turned up; it would have been nice if they came to see him alive.
I get it. It's hard to hand over care to someone you've not trained. LOL, I have a frail 87-year-old mom who has nearly every ailment excepting diabetes and dementia. My older niece and DS occasionally take her to a low stakes appointment to help me out. It generally goes sideways. Niece took mom for a swallow study where mom denied a history of GERD which was causing her silent aspiration and DS took mom for a PICC line dressing change and called because he (and she who I was taking weekly for some time) wasn't sure which building she was supposed to go to in a massive professional office complex. niece has mom on a road trip 300 miles away; I packed mom's emergency supplies and shared mom's patient portal log-in just in case. But I'm still sleeping with my phone.
I hope your mom has a nice visit.
HB2 -
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Thanks for the response HB,
I think that I needed to hear that…maybe I have to think about my Mom's needs more than the hassles of dealing with relatives. Thanks for sharing. I hope that all goes well with your mother. My mother is going to turn 86 this year so I can relate to your situation of frail health. Hope that things go smoothly for your mother and thanks for the input. Have a great day!😊
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I just spent 5 minutes explaining to niece how to adjust the volume in mom's hearing aids using the phone app. Turns out mom wasn't wearing them.
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I just got one for my mother. It's been difficult to get her to wear it consistently. Hope all goes well this weekend.
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Caring for a loved one is a lot of responsibility. It is overwhelming. It is all consuming. I wonder if it is so consuming that it is hard to give up that control(I mean no offense). You have been managing things so much that it’s hard to release control, even if it is to responsible caring people. I can see where letting go even for just a little bit may be uncomfortable.
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That was EXACTLY what I was intimating when I asked about their biggest fear.
I know for a fact I have a few in my family who would make the time to take my mom to see a lawyer to help her to "straighten up" a few loose ends.💔
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Thanks for sharing. I had a feeling that's what you were referring to. Unfortunately, my family is the same.
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Thanks for sharing. This is a tricky one. How do you know if someone is sincere when they've proven untrustworthy in the past. 😢
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I agree. It's unfortunate that people's true nature comes out during times like this.
1
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