Feeling sad and drained.

pd2205 · November 20

Hi everyone.
I am new to this group, as I am finally trying to better myself by seeking some sort of help. I am 20 years old, and my mom has just been officially diagnosed with Alzheimers.
I am the youngest of 4 siblings by 10+ years and I am still living at home and going to school. My dad is still working and my siblings all seem to have lives and children, which leaves me at home taking care of my mom most days.
She is not hard to take care of, and I have seen the progression of Alzheimers twice now, with both of my grandmothers passing away due to it. So I know how it goes, as I have seen it my whole life. I just am not prepared to see it happen to my mom, who has also seen it the last 15 years of her life.
I just am tired. I have a long distance boyfriend who doesn't really understand the extent of this disease, and neither do my friends. My dad fully understands it, and I know he is really struggling too, as this is his wife of 30 plus years. I just am at a loss, and am trying to accept all of this so fast. Her decline is quite rapid, as just a year ago things were so much different. She is on meds, etc etc. She is no longer driving and watching her lose her autonomy is so hard. It hurts my heart.
It is also just so hard for me to spend time with her because I get upset and impatient. She gets into spirals about my dad and it's sad because he is her main supporter and support system. She constantly thinks her doctors are against her, this and that. It is hard to have conversations with her, as she has become somewhat child like in conversations. She doesn't seem to understand current events, so on and so forth.
So I am just struggling. I would love to connect with anyone who is younger and who is dealing with this, or be informed of resources that I am unaware of. I feel selfish asking for help, because this disease is affecting my mom more than anyone else. But again, any words will help. Prayers and blessing to all of you.

SDianeL · November 20

welcome. You are at the right place for help and support. We understand how you feel and what you’re going through. So sorry about your Mom. We recommend you learn all you can about dementia so you can help her and your Dad. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which will help you. Search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. 2 things I learned here that helped: 1) never argue with someone with dementia 2) you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. You can call the Alzheimer’s toll free number to ask about online or in person support groups. 800-272-3900. Read old posts here and in the Caregiving for a Spouse or Partner because there are more posts there that may help you and your Dad. Come back often for info, support or just to vent.

MoniqueV2024 · November 20

I am glad you came here to share. I’m really sorry you are experiencing this and finding yourself in the caregiver seat most days. It’s a lonely place to be, but also an important one. You can provide your mom with love, care, and keep her safe.

I turned to this community too when I was the caregiver for my mom. I’m in mid-30s so not as young as you are, but still felt young at times when talking to people in my seat who often seemed to be older than me.

My mom passed in March and I’ve been reflecting a lot about the time spent with her, and the impact on me - physically, emotionally, mentally. Please know that while you are in it, most everything will feel confusing and overwhelming. It doesn’t mean you are doing the wrong things - the contrary, you are likely doing an excellent job and there are just things about the disease that are ultimately out of your control.

So give yourself grace, come back here to this community when you need to vent or ask specific questions, and know that you are not alone. Ever. We are here for you.

jillemckeon · November 20

So very sorry for the heartbreak you are experiencing. I would recommend connecting in person with people who can be your support; either an AD support group, a church, or even people who like to do things you enjoy (hiking? pickleball? yoga?). Certainly a therapist or counselor can be a wonderful help. I know I need real people to talk to in addition to online communities and I've had great experiences when I reach out. Your emotions are so important and talking to sympathetic and trustworthy friends can be therapeutic. Blessings to you.

lritthaler · November 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74640/feeling-sad-and-drained

I am not younger but feel your pain. My sister is out of state and I live with mom. She has mild dementia is not driving and I have had to take on a lot more because of that alone. I feel guilty if I spend time living my life. Angry because of the guilt. Tired of the constant reminders to her. I work from home so I am in this house so much.
I am the lone caretaker. My aunt comes to take mom out maybe once a month. Which helps. My luck right now is that mom is still fairly independent. But I struggle getting her to leave the house even to go shopping for clothes for her.
it’s an aggravating disease. Isn’t fair to anyone. The hardest part for me is watching her break down on her bad days because she is still aware that there is an issue. Hang in there. I keep getting told to take care of me so I can care for her. Maybe look into getting someone to come in even just for a few hours to be the caregiver.

Feeling sad and drained.

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories