Tips for taking care mom has alzheimer

nhan34 · January 11

Hello, my name is Cindy. I and my sister live with my mom who is 84 years old and has alzheimer over 14 years now. Her behavior is changing every moment especially at night time. She was happy, and talking and certainly turned strange to us like saying we steal her stuff. She made up stories that never happened. We have to act and go along with her stories to calm her. She lately want to go home to see her mom, saying her mom was sitting outside waiting for her and if she doesn't go home, her mom will beat her. During the daytime, we will take her for a walk pretending going home with her. During the night time, we can't because it's cold and late. So, we lied to her that her mom went travel and be back tomorrow and want her to stay with us tonight. She was okay at the beginning but then didn't believe it and wanted to go home again. She gets frustrated and angry because we don't let her go. This happens every night and last 1-2 hours until she gets tired and sleepy. Does anyone have any tips or tricks? We couldn't think of any better story to lie her. We are appreciate you can share if you have similar experience . Thanks in advance.

Anonymousjpl123 · January 11

My mom’s memory care gave me great advice on this. It sounds like you’re most doing it. You match her tone, and meet her where she is. “Oh yes, you are looking for your mom? Let’s see. Do you know when you last saw her? No? Oh wow that must be hard. I will try to call some people to help find her.”

You just try to meet her where she is, figure out what she’s feeling/worried about, and try to reassure her.

Lying/fibbing is fine, but you don’t have to. It’s more about tone and empathy. She will so appreciate that you are talking to her like she’s not crazy and trying to understand. I never thought it would work, but it does.

SDianeL · January 12

welcome. Sorry for the reason you are here. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” And search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. They are very helpful. There is a video about wanting to go home. To a PWD, home is a feeling not a physical place. Her wanting to go home is caused by anxiety and because her timeline is off. She may be thinking of her childhood home. It’s about tone and empathy but it’s OK to fib if you need to. Since her short term memory is gone you will have to repeatedly answer this question. Also she’s having sundowning. Search online for tips on sundowning. Remember you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Making up stories is called delusions and confabulations and is very common in PWD. You’re doing the right things.

nhan34 · January 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/263301#Comment_263301

Thank you for sharing the tips. I'm appreciate the comments.

Anonymousjpl123 · January 17

it’s really hard to cope with our parents having no sense of reality. Just try to make sure she is warm and safe (which you are doing), and realize she really can’t control what she thinks. It’s so sad - but realizing her mind is truly not capable of understanding reason will help. At this point it’s about tone, safety, and understanding. Which is really freaking hard.

nhan34 · January 31

I have listened to Tam Cummings video. She provides helpful info. Thanks so much for sharing the info.

Tips for taking care mom has alzheimer

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