Good day has me questioning my sanity

lilacgirl · March 13

I’m at my mom’s and she has been so normal and seemingly fine all day, I’m starting to question my sanity. She cleaned her house before I came, she cleaned out all the expired food from her fridge, she did all the laundry…. Hard to believe this is the same woman who one week ago forgot how her son was related to her… Please remind me that I did the right thing by telling the doctor to take away her license! Right now she seems like she could drive across country and back with no problems! What the???

lilacgirl · March 14

PS. She is probably going to receive this letter tomorrow or Monday, and she is going to be devastated. I’m feeling so bad.

H1235 · March 14

When my mom cleaned she would just scoop everything from the coffee table and counters into a box and put the box in storage upstairs where no one would see it. I didn’t realize this til after we moved her out of the house. Cleaning her house has been like sorting through a 100 junk drawers 🤪. Many here have talked about their loved one throwing things away that shouldn’t have been. The house may look clean, but what process did she use to clean it. She may be acting “normal “ but things can be deceiving. I have also found that how mom is doing can vary a lot from week to week. Even if she truly is doing good today, who knows what tomorrow or next week will bring. If her symptoms have been discussed, this is could be her way to prove there is nothing wrong. She will not be able to sustain it. You did the right thing.

caregiving daughter · March 14

Given your concerns, please remember there are others on the road and that it's not just your mother affected.

If you see ups and downs, do try to ensure that there is not an infection that has caused confusion. Although if she has not been treated, infections don't typically clear up on their own.

Start keeping a log of cognitive impairment instances. Read through your list when you see glimpses of clarity. It is important to look at the entire picture.

persevere · March 14

Are you sure she didn't hire someone to come do it?

harshedbuzz · March 15

@lilacgirl

Safety and care decisions need to be calibrated to a PWD at their most confused and impaired, not set to some aspirational level of mom showtiming on a "good day".

I had an aunt who appeared to be managing her household well, but like @H1235 's mom, it was an illusion. Clutter was tucked away, dirty clothing was hidden or washed without detergent.

You're not doing this to her, you're doing it for her.

HB

April23 · March 16

Also remember that driving involves spatial awareness, safety awareness, depth perception, reflexes, quick decision making, etc. What would she do if she got lost, had a flat tire, or was in an accident? We have to prioritize our LO’s safety ahead of their happiness.

I’ll add that this does not get easier. My dad is on hospice now but is doing so great that now I’m second guessing. It can be so hard but we have to remember that dementia is terminal and does not get better. The good days are just a gift.

Good day has me questioning my sanity

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