Having a hard time about my dads diagnosis.

Preface:
(DAD WAS VERY RECENTLY DIAGNOSED & PUT IN A HOME ABRUPTLY SO IM STILL IN SHOCK)

Hey! My name is Blair and I’m 28, I have 4 beautiful boys, ages 1,3,5&7. My dad can’t remember their names or how many I have. I’m having a hard time. He was just out into a home in September. He hates it but it’s for his safety. We had 2 silver alerts one heat stroke from being lost not knowing where he lived. This is so new to me. I’m grieving a man who’s not gone. I’m broken. I miss him and he’s here. I go see him as much as possible. He asks me the same question and I answer them as many times as she wants me to. He’s my daddy….
I’m not so great with talking about how I feel all the time, I get my words mixed up, So I wrote the is poem. I hope somebody can relate. It’s called… “Holding on”

Holding on by Blair Santiago.

“We have lost you but you’re still here.
Your mind is gone but your body near.
Your memories are fussy,
so very unclear.
You feel Love for my kids but can’t remember their names.
You might not know their ages, but you ask to come to their games.
You’re not yourself, the man I’ve always known.
Something’s changed about you, even your tone.
Your head seems to have gone away while your heart is still beating
Time feels like it’s abundant, but deep down I know it’s fleeting.
Losing my dad isn’t something I thought would come so soon.
But bad things happen to everyone, and to that I’m not immune.
I’ve tried to make sense of all this
But I don’t really think that I can.
So I’ll love the shell of a person you use to be and I will hold your hand.
I’ll keep reminding you as many times as you need me to.
Because it’s not your fault that your brain is failing you.
Sometimes you go back to being you, but then…
I just wait… patiently… for the shoe to drop again..
so you might not be all here, but you’re still not gone.
And it’s those tiny pieces of you that keep us holding on.”

Today during our visit,,, he forgot who I was, but it’ll be alright, I know he knows me & I’ll just keep holding on.