First week in memory care

tboard · March 31

I was persuaded to send my DH with mixed dementia to memory care. He is very hard to care for and fights anyone who tries to help him. It often takes two people to change him because he won't cooperate.

I miss him. I don't miss the work. I have no idea what is next for me. I have literally spent the last three years providing around the clock care.

We have been married for almost 46 years and I have never lived alone before.

The good news is he isn't asking to go home. When I asked him if he likes it where he lives he said "The food is good and the people are nice". I feel lucky that he isn't asking to go home because that would make things so much worse.

He is getting great care. It is very expensive and I may end up homeless before this is all over so I am doing my best to enjoy my freedom. I retired last August and plan to go back to work so that I can afford luxuries like property taxes and maybe some new tires.

For the first time in my life I don't have any plans or any goals. We had plans for retirement but none of that is going to happen. I don't care about the future only the present. I can tell already today is going to be a good day.

easy23 · March 31

It's a mixed bag when you place your LO in memory care. There's the relief that the heavy lifting is over, but there are also the worries if he is doing ok. Plus there's the expense! I placed my DH in MC in Sept 2024 and I'm so glad I did it when I did. He was fairly stable then and adjusted to not living at home. His health declined in 2025 and now I am so relieved that I don't have to rush to place him. Try to enjoy your new found freedom. You deserve it.

Geot · March 31

My DW is not combative and still pretty much able to do all her personal needs but at the moment she recognizes me as her dead father. As much as it kills me, I just play that roll and it is very difficult to answer the barrage of questions as to where her husband has gone. If, or when, I may also be faced with the decision to place her in memory care, which I dread, it will also drain all my finances very quickly being one has to be at the poverty level to qualify for Medicaid.

tboard · March 31

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269198#Comment_269198

Looking back I realize I should have moved him to MC six months ago because it was almost impossible for me to take care of him.

tboard · March 31

I think I kept my DH at home longer than I should have. It wasn't a safe for either of us. I know I need to start making financial decisions. It is so strange to have spent over 50 years working full time and saving money to just spend it quickly, In a way it is liberating. I don't have to worry about my financial future because I don't have one.

First week in memory care

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