Reassure me that I am doing the right thing

My brother insisted mom was perfectly capable of deciding what she would need when moving to Al. She was living with him at the time. He allowed her to pack everything and took her to the store and let her buy whatever she wanted. It was a nightmare! She bought king size sheets for her twin bed, packed cook books, clothes that didn’t fit, I counted 20 cardigan sweaters, yet she had no family pictures or special nicnacs. I would recommend you take the lead when deciding what goes. I didn’t even unload some things in from my car and a few things I managed to sneak back out to the car. Some things that were important were completely forgotten. Because she felt she was still capable of managing everything herself(she wanted to be in charge of the move), she didn’t want me to help her unpack or go through her things. She felt I was invading her privacy. I did what I could without making her too angry, but I never really had a good idea of what she had or needed. She ended up with a lot of nonsense in her room, but in the end it worked out. While she didn’t feel she belonged there, she did make friends and the activities and interactions with people her own age was great for her. It was also good that she had to get dressed for meals. At my brothers house she would spend all day in her pajamas. Just get her there and worry about the details over the next few weeks. When we moved my mil, someone drove her to al and they walked around and checked everything out. Someone else packed( or repacked what she had boxed up) and the guys loaded and hauled loads to Al. We helped her unpack, hang pictures and put things away. It worked very well. She actually commented that she was so happy everything fit in her new al apartment (of course it did not). I saw my doctor about anxiety medicine. It has helped a lot.

Echoing everyone above - you're doing the best for your mom! I envy those who have an "easy" transition of moving their LO into AL, MC or anywhere outside of their home. My mom fought me constantly - I always knew she was feisty but she was next-level spicy in two languages!

When circumstances necessitated the move, I was nervous like a cat surrounded by rocking chairs. I was convinced that everything was going to go sideways. The AL staff assured me that after a few weeks and some TLC from the staff (and positive reinforcement from me and her friends), she would adjust. They were right. By the end of month 1, she was less argumentative about being there. Once she moved into her permanent room, I bought her new furniture as a gift, brought some stuff from home, and added a few "luxury" items (like extra plushy TP and tissues, fancy face potions), she brightened. Fast forward 9 months. She now owns her space and invites her friends to visit in her apartment (it's a room but I am not arguing with her!). She also (finally!) gets that the staff is there to give her 24/7 care and attention (sort of - again, not gonna argue). And she's made new friends (thank goodness).

There is brighter light at the end of the tunnel! I never ever ever ever thought I would have a normal life again. But now I know she is safe and taken care of, the staff communicate with me regularly, I visit her once a week (and no more complaints about being abandoned and neglected), and I no longer scream in my car everyday.

I think we all know in our heart of hearts that we are doing our best to take care of our LOs even if they say/think otherwise. I love that this community reminds - and reassures - us that 1) we are doing our best; 2) we are not alone; and 3) we have resources (wide range of experiences and knowledge).

I wish you well!