Nursing facility. Does anyone have advice on mom’s boyfriend who constantly stirs the pot.

jkris · March 31

I am my mom’s HPOA/DPOA. She has a boyfriend she lived with for 28 years. Since she was placed in a nursing facility 6 months ago after a fall he is constantly stirring the pot. Today she told me she’s getting a petition signed to say she doesn’t have dementia and “it’s a secret”. She has Parkinson’s and related dementia. She says she’s going to be getting stem cell treatment. I asked how she is paying for it. She says oh you will find out. She will be 78 my research shows very limited if any trials she would eligible for. She didn’t trust him before but now he’s suddenly her best friend. She doesn’t even remember what year I was born but can carry a conversation with strangers or family/friends she rarely sees. Does ann have advice? Should the facility be helping me deal with him? I no longer speak with him due to his attitude. It’s too stressful for me.

Thank you in advance

SusanB-dil · March 31

As DPOA, can you ban him? Does the facility have any type of policy as far as who can visit? perhaps maybe even get him 'trespassed'?

Sorry you are dealing with him on top of caring for mom. uugh.

H1235 · March 31

I think I would check with the facility to see if they are able/willing to ban him from the facility. If she still has a phone I would block his number. At the very least I would make sure the facility knows that that he is not a trusted family member and should never be given medical information. It seems to me like you should be able to prevent him from taking her out of the facility, even if it’s just to go to lunch. Is it bad enough that you would want to get a restraining order. I don’t know how hard that might be to do. You might need to document all the trouble he is causing for a while to build a case. You should not have to deal with this.

jkris · March 31

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269236#Comment_269236

Thank you. It’s been a lot to deal with. I have thought about asking about a ban but I also worry it would make my Moms dementia worsen if he was suddenly gone.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269241#Comment_269241

They only allow him to take her out on Saturdays (after a disagreement). I still have guilt about leaving her in the facility. I agree he shouldn’t be given any information. I will contact the social worker or stop in their office and see what my options are. The nursing staff knows the situation already. They have been very understanding. Thank you for your reply. I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting or if I am correct in my thinking he is planting false ideas in her head. Some days I’m just overwhelmed by it all.

Nursing facility. Does anyone have advice on mom’s boyfriend who constantly stirs the pot.

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