shaky departure on a low staff day for dad's memory care plus recent "unwitnessed" injuries

jen ht · May 30

Hello all,

Dad really wanted to come with me today as I was leaving. He hasn't done that for a while, so I was out of practice. It was also a very low staff day today. For instance, I had to ring the doorbell three times (with long wait periods in between) for someone to come let me in.

So I know there's a pretty good chance it wasn't pretty after I left and there weren't as many "hands on deck" to help.

My heart aches more than usual today.

Plus last Wednesday right after I had posted something relatively positive here, I got texts from a visitor of injuries and bandages on dad's arms. I had not been notified of any injuries, so it was a jolt for me. I felt the old panic mode feelings from the crisis mode days of when we initially had to move dad to memory care in Florida creeping right back in.

I often find myself wishing I could move dad, but I know it would be so hard for him at this point. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.

I'm leaving a lot out here to keep this short-ish. Just feeling low and thought I would reach out here in case anyone has words of wisdom they'd like to share with me. Thanks in advance. Where would I be without this community.

Tears flow,

Jen

psg712 · May 30

Hugs for you! I would definitely follow up with a leader at the MC about the injuries. They should have informed you about this, not left you to hear it from a visitor. Are you confident that the visitor's account of things is reliable? Check your dad's arms yourself and alert the medical provider.

It's hard, even when our LOs are in a facility, unexpected issues can arise and send us into crisis mode. It's such a roller coaster. Let us know how it goes.

ARIL · May 31

Oh, I am so sorry. My dad has had injuries in recent days too—apparently jerking his hands and arms and banging into a doorframe. I saw the injuries myself before I heard from the facility, although then I ran into the nurse who said she was “about to call” me. I hope that is true…the injuries were not severe, and I saw how busy the nurse was.

STILL…it is hard to see the decline and to wonder if I am doing enough and monitoring things well enough. And wondering whom I can trust… It is hard.

Mainly I am writing to say I feel your heartache and empathize with you.

Yes, you’ll want to ask about the injuries and ask to be alerted promptly in future.

And yes, I understand the frustration with the locked door. I moved my dad from one facility when he was at an earlier stage; the long waits at the locked door were only one part of my disappointment with that place, but they were on the list. At the new place—which has different problems but overall is better—families are given a list of the door codes, so we can come and go at any time. This has helped my mental state a lot. The earlier place had a code box too; if I had it to do over again, I would have asked the director for the code.

Thinking of you…

jen ht · June 4

Thank you @psg712 and @ARIL

Apparently he was attempting to remove tubi-grips, which resulted in some bruising and skin tears. He has had an increase in "picking" so I am not surprised. I was, however, surprised to not be notified. Seeing it in pics was alarming.

I left a lot out. Mainly I was just feeling low - as happens fairly regularly. Then the low staffing and difficulty slipping out just added to my feeling of being "stuck" with no good solution. I do remind myself of what is often shared here about the importance of him being safer than he was on his own at home, etc.

They did apologize and said they would do better with communication. I did drive directly there and was able to talk with the NP for the facility who happened to have just reached his door when I walked in. So that was all positive.

I do have a fob for the door, but there are enough exit seekers that I do not use it when I am unsure who might be waiting on the other side. Plus, I had the realization about there likely being low staff available and didn't want to create a problem that I couldn't solve especially without help nearby.

It's just a lot. I know you all know. Staffing and labor issues are just part of the realities of dealing with all of this gestures widely.

I appreciate you both replying and offering your support. Thank you. I've been following both of your loved one's journeys and I send you loving support and solidarity right back. Thanks!

May we be well,

Jen

shaky departure on a low staff day for dad's memory care plus recent "unwitnessed" injuries

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories