First Day of MC

@blacksparky There’s no way around the guilt. We can say it all we want that we’re doing it for them, not to them. But if you’re comfortable with your decision and you find that she gets good care and adjusts, then it minimizes your guilt.
So you’re almost there. The first few days are hard on you but you WILL adjust. I’ll relay my experience. Most MC’s have suggestions on how to get them there. I pre-planned drop off day with the staff beforehand and had his room ready as you have planned. I told DH that we were invited to lunch at a new place. When we got there, a couple of the staff gave him big hugs, said it’s so nice to see you, come on in, and I quietly left (and cried and cried in the car as I expected). The head nurse sat with him at lunch and they showed him around a bit. They told me it would be better to stay away for a few days to let him get acclimated, but they called me or I called them for updates every day. I began visiting about day five I think. He was happy to see me and we had a nice visit. I tended to visit after lunch because it seems that the staff were busier in the mornings getting everyone set off the day, giving showers, etc. I did visit a few times in the morning but afternoons seemed to work better. I would usually stay until they were getting them settled for dinner, and once the staff began directing him to his seat, I would sneak out. When I was around it was too distracting and he wouldn’t sit at the table. A couple of times I said I had to go to an appointment but I’ll be back tomorrow and that worked ok too. They told me he was always on when I left, not asking about me.
Once you get through those first few weeks and you’re adjusting, and she’s adjusting, things get much less stressful for you both.

Keep us posted. You’re doing the right thing!

I found the second guessing and guilt in the days before placement to be the worst. On the big day I brought my DH to the MC for lunch. I said we were meeting someone. Once inside, the staff took him to a table with other residents and I snuck out. An Irish exit. I stayed away for 5 days and when I did visit my DH was fine.

I now visit him midday because it gives the staff enough time to give him breakfast, bathe and get dressed. When I leave I say I have to go to the dentist or babysit. Sometimes I just leave.

You are doing the right thing for both of you. Just be patient with the changes. You and your DW will both be fine!

I had set up the room in advance. On move-in day, a friend took him there for lunch to "check out the place." Then quietly left when staff took DH to the activity room. I didn't visit for a long while though. I was told he asked how long he needs to stay there, and on a later day asked whether he's going to die there. Over time, however, he acclimated well to the place.

I was relieved when he was dropped off smoothly, and staff confirmed he went to bed fine. For the first time in a long time I was able to have a good night's sleep myself. Guilt didn't hit me until I visited and saw conditions of the other residents in memory care…so sad. I get depressed every time I visit, seeing how a life marches to its end, a slow march in an almost empty shell for many of them. Is this it? Is this how life ends for people afflicted with this dreadful disease? I know I shouldn't be thinking like this, but I just can't shake off the sadness.

Best of luck for a smooth placement/transition for your LO.