Advice for Going Back to Work

helpingdaughter26

I took FMLA for a year to assist with the new diagnosis of Alzheimers for my mom. It was intermittent FMLA so while I still worked, I was able to take off for appointments, my own mental health, and days that seemed like my mom just needed someone to be with her. I was averaging about 20 hours a week rather than my full 40 hours. This upcoming Friday is my last day for FMLA and I am really nervous to go back to work. My mom does not understand that I cannot just stop work whenever I want to/she wants to. My job is very understanding but I will not have the flexibility and will also need to go into the office two days a week. I took full advantage of the FMLA that I also don't know how to get back into this schedule myself. I feel guilty having to go back to work and not help her, but I am also only 28 years old and need to work for 1. my sanity 2. money 3. building my career. On days that she says, "oh can we do xyz around the house" or "will you be able to take me here" (since she cannot drive), I know it'll be difficult. Any advice for full time workers who are also caregivers to help the process of going back to work and balancing parent care (and even taking my own mental health into consideration)? Note, we are not at the level of needing an aide just yet because we know she would be fully against it (for now).

SusanB-dil

Maybe for the two days you are to be back in-office, have her in adult daycare? Could tell her it is a senior center.

Quilting brings calm

Are you able to continue the FMLA? I think you are entitled to so many days of it every calendar year by reapplying. Using it intermittently is a great way to do doctor appointments etc. save it for that and try out a senior center for the days you are in the office

Carl46

One of my friends used an adult day care while she worked, after her husband mistook a neighbor's house for his own and kicked the door in. I am in the process of starting my wife at the same place so I can have time to do things I need to do. Medicaid isn't paying for my wife, but the place does take Medicaid.

harshedbuzz

@helpingdaughter26

Is your mom safe in the home alone? It might be best if mom spent her days in a day program while you're at work as it can be hard to know when she will need supervision as your first warning may be a kitchen fire or elopement. An in-home caregiver could be an option as well.

Placement could be an option as well.

HB

MN Chickadee

I would look into a day program. Gives mom something to do, and you piece of mind that she is safe and not finding trouble. There she would get exercise, socialization, and stimulation. My mother had her hair cut there and later on even showers at the day care when it became too much for me. I would put into place a sustainable solution now, don't wait for a decline or a crisis because then options are more limited. Having a routine for her that she is used to will be an investment in your future self, to help protect you and your job so that when something changes you aren't scrambling and missing work.

helpingdaughter26

Thank you all for the insight! Does anyone have recommendations of how to get started with finding a day program/adult day care?

SusanB-dil

I checked for local ones on-line and that had the best ratings and reviews. Then you tour the ones of interest and see what would be the best fit, both physically and mentally for her, and financially.

MN Chickadee

The two that exist in my town are part of larger campuses ( containing independent living, assisted living and memory care.) Start with google, or you could call your local office of the Alzhiemers Association and I'm sure they can direct you to some.

For getting my mom started we used some therapeutic fibs, so you may have to say what works. Call it volunteering or a coffee group, a senior center etc. We started a couple half days a week and once she adjusted (which was long and difficult) we upped it to 5 days a week. The adjustment was rocky but eventually she settled in and it was definitely the best thing to happen to her post-diagnosis. She came to love it and it was very good for her brain and body.