Destroying Things

LadyRosepixie

I care for my mother-in-law and she spends a lot of time destroying things. Tearing things apart (especially anything made of paper or cardboard) and writing on things (marble coasters, artwork, kitchen tools, anything), cutting things up (the corners of furniture). I have no idea what to do. I don’t give her a hard time because I can’t tell what she is doing or why, but I do ask what she is doing sometimes or ask her not to do something and she always says she found it in the trash or it is trash and she is throwing it away or something. She hides garbage everywhere and we are worried about getting ants, but we are doing everything we can about that, I think. It is maddening and I am frustrated at not knowing what needs to be locked away from her (which is, in itself, a frustrating reality) or why she is being so destructive. Are there any ideas or strategies that might help here? My grandmother also had dementia and she got precious about things and wouldn’t throw even obvious garbage away often, but this is even more difficult! She destroys things that she later gets upset are destroyed or that other people (myself, my husband, her husband) get frustrated at the destruction of. I have no idea what to try!

mommyandme (m&m)

Welcome to the forum but wish you didn’t need it. Lots of supportive, compassionate and wise folks here. I couldn’t have done my moms care without them.

My mom needed assistance with mobility so she wasn’t really able to be out of sight to do destruction . With that being said, I think one of the first things is to remove access to any sharp objects, like scissors. I understand, as we travel down this dementia path, it’s hard when we have to adhere to a new reality. “ We must be the ones to accept and adjust because our LOs cannot.” I also might put things in her path that she can destroy like paper, cardboard, magazines, greeting cards, washable markers maybe, even child scissors. Our LOs continue to regress in their cognitive age. My mom even enjoyed baby teethers near her end time. I’d give her a lot of costume jewelry to tinker with and pictures books. Being activities director was tedious for me. Your MIL may be trying to have some control of something, anything she can, as she finds herself more lost and unable.

Just my two cents. Hope you find some relief soon.

harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome.

This is one of the "costs" of dementia that are seldom considered by those who haven't been a caregiver. IME, this was a function of idle hands being the devil's workshop.

At a certain point, PWD lose the ability to entertain themselves- they lack the memory needed for former hobbies and reading and they lack the executive function to initiate a task. Sometimes it can be useful to set them up with a task to occupy them- mating socks, folding dishtowels, sorting buttons, tearing up junk mail, dusting. This might not keep their attention long. A friend had a great HHA who came to the house and would bake with her mom or start dinner and lay the table.

I found with my dad, shenanigans happened when he wasn't actively supervised. You may need to up your one-on-one attention to avoid this. Left to his devices dad liked to futz with wires of all kinds but especially cable connections. He also engaged in the very common gathering behavior where he'd hide things he deemed important like his drivers license (needed for medical appointments) and toss things he didn't recognize like mom's new $600 eyeglasses.

A certain amount of "Baby-proofing" might allow you a lower level of surveillance. I would secure any important paper documents and photographs. Tools and knives should be out of reach as well as cleaning supplies and office supplies since that seems to be a thing for her. A friend kept her mom "contained" by reversing the knobs on interior doors and locking them to keep mom out of her husband's office, the laundry room, the bathrooms and bedrooms. When mom noticed, friend said the door was stuck and her DH would fix it when he got home. Exterior doors were alarmed to my friend's phone. At night mom had a motion detector that rang her phone as well.

A day program can be useful for PWD who are restless and need a safe place to be. She might enjoy a few days a week and it could give you some time to yourself.

HB

Marta

Some of these behaviors are no doubt obsessive. In addition to the excellent suggestions given above, it may be worthwhile to notify her PCP or neuro about these obsessions, as there are medications that can reduce these behaviors, such as Seroquel or Risperdal. These meds come with a-black box warning for use in dementia; however, many folks on these boards would tell you that they have weighed the benefits vs. the risks (which is what you do with any intervention) and that these meds have helped their loved one a great deal.

jfkoc

Very busy hands to deal with. Providing activities may help with this.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

My mom cycles through this too and it is so maddening when she destroys things she has no awareness of. Others have said good things so far!

Definitely see about increasing surveillance so she doesn't get into things that cannot be repaired or replaced. You may have to start locking up kitchen tools and those scissors; we had to relocate all the scissors in the house to a different location because mom kept cutting the cats' toys and dad's mail he'd leave out. She also likes tearing the tissue boxes which I'm not sure how to address yet so I leave it be.

If you catch her "in the act" of destroying things, remain calm and redirect her in a positive manner. Avoid saying "don't do that, stop it, etc." but instead offer something similar that she can have, like old magazines to tear or rummage through if she's doing that, construction paper and washable markers if she's writing on things... Just some ideas. My mom responds a lot better when we don't use "negative" words and is less defensive.

Another thing to consider is finding busy work for her that doesn't matter if she does well or completes: sorting buttons and clothes as others suggested, "polishing" silverware you can get for cheap at yard sales/dollar stores/some thrift stores, a rummage box or bag with objects of interest in them (pictures, unusually shaped rocks, a candy or two, strips of fabric of different textures, etc) that she can go through on her own.

suedavis3

We bought my mom a activity bib on Amazon it's long and has all kinds of things to keep her hands busy but she won't use it but it might be something to try and the cost was low. She liked it the first day but if her mind isn't to bad she said she doesn't need it lol

murphyb

I can relate to the original post. I came home from a trip of 11 days, having left my husband in the care of his/our beloved daughters. I left a functioning MCI spouse and returned to a seriously diminished one and a garage piled with our personal and household items, cleaned out closets and cupboards. Shocking! Daughters could interrupt the behavior but not reverse it. He has not recovered ground, even with my presence and return to medication regimen. Feeling like a prison guard, here in the north country!

SDianeL

One of the first things my DH did years ago before I realized there was a problem was become obsessive about the trash. He would remove things from the garbage, rearrange it and put it back in there "neatly" He did that many times during the day. He was diagnosed 2 years ago. He cuts up paper, cardboard, newspapers, anything into tiny pieces. He has a little trash can by his chair and takes it to the kitchen to empty it several times a day. He leaves it in the kitchen and then blames me for taking it. As others have said, try to find safe things she can tear, or organize. Keeping my DH busy helps but won't stop his OCD. He reorganizes our pantry about 2x a day. He does want to throw stuff out that is perfectly good so I have to watch that. Can you cover the furniture? Lock away all sharp objects. Get her a box with the kids blunt scissors, colored paper, things she can tear & cut? Telling her no won't work. She doesn't realize she has a problem and you cannot reason with someone with dementia or Alzheimer's. this might help: https://dailycaring.com/9-ways-to-manage-dementia-rummaging-behavior/

Cdoyle0913

I feel that frustration deep in my core and am going through that exact thing. There are no answers and there is nothing that has helped. We have tried sliver of advice given to us. My grandma has torn up her carpet at her assisted living- strand by strand, she tore up her bathroom floor, and currently is working on tearing up the blinds into the smallest pieces. She has thrown away almost everything, some sentimental, before we were able to remove them all. She has ripped apart furniture, moved furniture and she weighs a whole 90lbs. I wish I had answers or help to give you, just here showing support that you are not alone even when professionals act like this is beyond the "norm" and make you feel like you are crazy.

SEM_BOS

My mom wasn't overly destructive, but she went through a phase for several months where she tore up paper, along with packing up her "stuff" (eyeglasses, TV remotes, books, etc) and carrying them all around. Or she'd carry around a stack of paper. (sometimes torn up pieces of paper). I don't know the reasons, and we never solved or stopped it. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.