Is visiting her daughter a good idea?

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M1

I wouldn't do it. As much as she says she wants to go, I would bet you my bottom dollar that she doesn't remember your SIL's house or any of the dynamics that go on there. My partner continually says she wants to come home to be with me---but then asks me where I live. it's clear the driving factor is my presence, but she doesn't have a clue about her precious farm that was her retirement project (and still my home).

If I were in your shoes, I think I would wait until the baby is old enough to travel and have them come to you for a visit, not vice versa.

You are correct that the dynamics with your husband are another issue entirely. Perhaps you could suggest that he take her to your SIL's home. Only half kidding.

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jfkoc

My first question is how far?

My next question is has she been invited.

Final question is the ggrandchild going to be living in the SIL house?

Maybe DH can take her for a good long stay...lol.

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jfkoc

For me the cons outweigh the pros. No invitation, no idea how many minutes would be with the baby etc.

DH can drive her over for a weekend visit and stay in a hotel. Or you can drive her over, drop her off and stay in a hotel.

jfkoc

terei

Uh, No. They can Facetime the baby to her at your home. YOU’RE the one who needs a break from her. I would be looking at facilities.

harshedbuzz

You don't paint a particularly flattering portrait of your spouse. Perhaps you have more of a DH problem than a MIL.

In your shoes I would be working on a Plan B for placement. In the meantime, if SIL will keep her for a time, I'd drive the 6 1/2 hours to drop her off for a week or two.

mommyandme (m&m)

Hoping,

I know spouses can say things in jest that some may hear as inconsiderate. And in the written word, jokes can’t be heard sometimes nor exaggerations. I didn’t read your post with the thought that your DH was being a “meanie”. You couldn’t be doing what you are without him, well she’s his mother after all. At least that’s how it was for me. My husband made my mother’s last comfortable years possible even though I did all the dirty work. I’ll appreciate it until the day I die as will my brother, who lives out of state. I hope your husband appreciates you, that’s what I would imagine.

I wouldn’t prioritize travel with your MIL soon to see the new baby. Let it wait and see how things settle in. My mom didnt appreciate the newborn great grandchildren as I had hoped. She was in early stage 6 then. I’m sorry, not sure where your MIL stages right now. My experience was that the babies, toddlers…took attention away from mom, which she didn’t like. She also seemed worried the toddlers would steal her stuff. It was a strange competition to watch and quite sad since moving mom near me meant she’d have way more access to the grand and great grandchildren. There came a time when it seems it just did not matter.

im sorry, this is all so hard.