How to cope with loss of grandmother.

M3talP3nguin16

My 93 yr old grandmother passed away on 6/10/23. She lived with us for around 7yrs and was in hospice care for 6 months before she was moved into a facility right after Easter. Her dementia had gotten worse and she needed 24hr care, which we couldnt provide any longer. I know what we had to do what was in her best interest and ours, but I still feel somewhat guilty putting her in there. It just seems like once she knew she was staying there, she just gave up. She was doing rather well up until after Mothers Day. Her health went into sudden decline and she was unable to eat, drink, swallow and was bed ridden, even at 32, Im having a hard time handling my grief. She lived a wonderful life and battled through a multitude of health problems and bounced back every time but in the end, dementia won and took her from us. This is my first time dealing with something like this and Im just so angry that such a disease could just wipe the mind of a beautiful soul away and take her away from us so quickly. Some days it just doesnt feel real, eventhough I know it is....Im just looking for some guidance on how to handle such a heart breaking loss and how dementia just eats away the minds of these beautiful souls. Any advice, help, guidance is appreciated. TYIA.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dearly loved grandmother. This disease is heartbreaking for sure. Since she was on hospice, sorry to say, but she may not have had much longer and remember it’s not you or her other family members that put her in a facility, dementia did. I might even suggest it’s a blessing that she’s free from this disgusting disease. She’s not suffering in mind or body anymore. But still, it’s so soon in this process for you. Give yourself lots of time and patience while grieving your loss and then give yourself more time. For me, slowly but surely, the dementia journey memories started taking a back seat to the wonderful living life memories of my LO. My journey will be with me forever, I’m changed from it, but there are more times of peace and comfort apart from it to come. Even at 59 and beyond, grieving takes its toll.

Grief sucks! Unfortunately you must go through it to get through it. Again, so sorry.

M3talP3nguin16

Thank you for your condolences, it is such an awful disease. She actually passed from her CHF but the dementia had a lot to do with her sudden decline. Im relieved that she isnt suffering anymore, as it really was taking its toll on her and us. My family and I got to be with her on her surge of energy day and Im thankful for that. While she really couldnt speak much she did mumble "I love you, too." And Im so thankful for that. Im just taking it one day at a time and keeping myself busy with work and other things so that I dont have time to think about it. But some days I think back to just how fast it happened and it just doesnt feel real. I know that its still very fresh and its gonna take time. Thankful for all the memories we have with her before dementia got bad and even afterwards and I think back to the better days. Thank you for reaching out. I guess its true that even when you think youre prepared, youre never truly prepared to lose that someone.