Online Fraud and Scams

kwatson81

Our father just had his second attempted scam. I was lucky enough to be walking past his room when I heard the discussion he was having over the phone. He allowed someone access to his computer to "run a virus" check. We ended the call and have contacted his credit card company, banks, and financial planner. We don't want to take away his access to his phone or the internet but he doesn't stop to think when he gets these messages. They appear legit which is beyond frustrating. If anyone has experienced this, I'd love to hear your ideas?

M1

Welcome to the forum. I understand it's not what you want to hear, but your best options are to limit phone and internet access. I understand the not wanting to, but it's necessary. There are several old sayings on these boards; one of the most important is that Safety drives the decision-making.

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harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your need to be here but glad you found this place.

@kwatson81 said: We don't want to take away his access to his phone or the internet but he doesn't stop to think when he gets these messages.

Dementia forces us to do a lot of things we'd rather not. As POAs, caregivers, and loving family members, we remove their driving privileges and dispose of their cars and we trick them out of their beloved homes using fictional tales about sewer line failures because safety comes first. Everything about dementia sucks. This is just one more thing that does.

You've been lucky so far and so far as you know. Dad's on the scammer's radar now as a likely victim because they know he'll be an easy mark once he's alone. You need to get him disconnected-- from the phone, the internet and perhaps even his mail. Try not to think of this as "you" doing this to him-- instead recognize that it is the disease that has robbed him of the ability to access the internet. Do whatever it takes to make it happen-- slip his computer into airplane mode, change the household Wi-Fi password, spill a Coke on the keyboard, disconnect his smartphone contract. I would also lock down his credit with the three major reporting bureaus so no one can take a loan or obtain credit card using his information.

If you have POA, you have a legal obligation to protect his assets. Other family members could come for you if you allowed dad to be scammed. You would have no defense if the 3rd time's the charm and dad is wiped out financially without money for his care.

I'm sorry you're in this place.

HB-- daughter of a man who day-traded away $360K in the early part of the disease while trying to get her mother to accept that dad shouldn't be on the internet.

MN Chickadee

Everything the previous posters is true and wise. You must take away the phone and computer for his personal and financial safety. This is your responsibility to protect him, hard as it is. You might look into the GrandPad. It's a tablet designed for the elderly and limits their ability to get into trouble. Only people you as the caregiver sets up ahead of time can call, email or text it, no accessing websites. It has games, music, weather apps etc but totally locked down from the normal internet. An Amazon Echo Show type device is another way for friends and family to be able to contact him without him having a phone. They can just appear on it without him having to do anything if he can't figure out new technology.

CaliforniaGirl-1

I got an incoming call blocker for my LO's phone. It lets you create a white list of calls that can go through. Unfortunately it doesn't limit what number they can dial so if they see something on TV and want to call the 800 number they can.

There are phones specifically for people with neurological deficits that limit the outgoing numbers that can be called. There is a picture phone where each picture has the number of that person and you can disable direct dialing. That wasn't the success I thought it would be for us because it is hard for a PWD to learn new technology even if it looks like it should be easier.

There is also Tele Calm which is a private phone service (I have no experience with it but it looks interesting) It lets you create a safe list of both incoming and outgoing numbers and in the case of repetitive dialing (continued multiple calls to the same number), will automatically institute a pause and play a message saying that number isn't accepting calls right now. Apparently you can also set quiet times.

I think you have to take away unrestricted access to the internet.

housefinch

Please freeze his credit with the 3 bureaus, remove him from his bank accounts & put his POA on them, disable his internet access or change password if others live with him & need internet, & close his credit cards or have them handled by POA. He should not have access to his mail. My mom refused to accept reality of my stepdad’s deterioration until he had withdrawn $2000 from his bank account to take 3 people to dinner. That would have been one amazing dinner! He walked home from the bank with $2000 cash in his pocket, then misplaced the money in the house. It took several hours to find it. Needless to say, he could have been mugged, dropped the money, etc, or gotten lost on the way home from the bank. And that doesn’t begin to address his walking anywhere unsupervised, which he obviously shouldn’t have been doing. You wouldn’t let a 3 year old child manage your retirement account. Please don’t continue to let your loved one manage his.

JMack88

Luckily my sister and I have not experienced this with our mother.

First of all, Mom and Dad were too suspicious of setting up any of their banking online and never used anything like Quicken. So the computer has nothing on it but a few word documents and some emails. Even if someone gained access to it all they'd find was mom's correspondence with old friends mostly consisting of, "when can I see you again?" or "do you remember..."

Secondly, we've been very successful due to mom's fear of someone getting her money in getting her to not answer calls unless they're from someone she knows. This isn't 100% but most of the time she won't answer if it isn't a family friend. Unfortunately if it says something like "US Govt" or "Police" etc. she will pick up. We're using a call blocker called the CPR call blocker that lets us block phone numbers from calling again by pressing a button. It's ok, but it's an after the fact sort of solution since these scammers constantly change numbers.

You can also sign up for Nomorobo which blocks calls too.

Verizon offers the CPR call blocker and AT&T has the Nomorobo in our area.

As a computer specialist, I recommend you take the computer to a local place like the Best Buy Geek Squad and ask them to scan it for malware, back up your files and reformat the computer and reinstall it from scratch. Who knows what the scammer may have uploaded to your system. Also, use the tools your internet service provider offers. Most internet service providers have options for parents to block or shut off service at certain times to protect their children and prevent them from playing games or whatever too late. These tools can be used to control when your parent can access the internet so you can supervise.