Trying to help from out of state and feel like I'm drowning.

msliss

First of all, I'm very relieved to have found this resource. I have so many questions and worries, and many sleepless nights over the last couple weeks. I have a stepmother who was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's awhile back, so I think it's likely progressed since then (probably stage 4 now if I had to guess). I live in Arizona and she's in Utah. My father has died, and I do not have an especially close emotional relationship with her. But I am the successor trustee on the trust my parents set up. They gave me very little information about their accounts and such at that time, and I didn't know to ask then (big mistake). When my father died, my stepmother's daughter in law stepped right in and took over helping stepmom with everything. I figured this was working well, she went to visit stepmom regularly and helped with bill paying, taking her to doctor's appointments, etc. Stepmom didn't have any complaints about this arrangement. A couple weeks ago, I find out that her daughter in law has been stealing money from her, committing credit card fraud with her credit card(s), and has not been at all savvy with helping to manage money. Now that this has come to light and I'm having daily contact with my mother in law, I realize how declined her functioning has become. She has lost discretion when it comes to money, and still has full control of her bank accounts. I am currently in the nightmare of trying to unravel the damage and stop the bleeding so to speak. In the short term, I'm trying to figure out how to make sure she has money for basic needs (again, I'm out of state and can't be there to check on her daily or purchase things for her), but also limit her spending. In the longer term, I'm trying to determine what her living situation will look like, as I don't feel she can safety live alone for long and she has extremely limited funds for assisted living. She does have a home we can sell (thank goodness), but that will take a little time to coordinate. I honestly do not want to take guardianship of her (that may sound terrible, but I didn't sign on for that), and I'm also apprehensive about a power of attorney, although I realize that might be necessary. I will be having an appointment with the attorney that drew up the trust to ask some questions, but I'm not sure how helpful that will be. Can anyone else relate to this experience? Any advice or words of wisdom would be welcomed.

[Deleted User]

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