How to Deal With Angry Ex Spouse

SEBS

My daughter and I are Co-Conservators for her Father (my ex-spouse). He has always had an angry and resentful attitude. He now has mid-level Alzheimers but denies it. He blames us for "putting him in prison" (assisted living). She lives in another state, and I am his only local contact. How can we best deal with his all-consuming anger and refusal to accept help or help himself?

Ed1937

Hi SEBS. Welcome to the forum Sorry you need it, but it is a good one.

First, I'd suggest you find out about anosognosia. Here is a link to a pretty good article. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-dementia-patients-cant-recognize-impairment-210090.htm  If you'd rather see a video, here's a link for that. Why your loved one doesn't believe they have dementia- It's NOT denial. When you learn about that, post again with any specific questions you might have. Someone will be along to help. Any questions are fine. We've seen just about everything here.

SDianeL

My DH, 78 was diagnosed 2 years ago and is mid stage. He is angry, agitated, sad and depressed. I asked his Geriatric Psychiatrist about medication and she put him on Risperidone 1/2 tab am & pm. It did help him sleep but so far hasn't helped with the other issues. I sent her a message asking if there is anything else she can do. There are other medications depending on the type of memory loss he has. Ask for a referral to a Geriatric Psychiatrist who is the best provider to manage medications. Even if you tell him he has dementia he will forget what you said and will go back to denying it. Remember that it's the disease causing the anger and agitation, not the person. Instead of referring to him as your ex-spouse, try referring to him as the patient who needs care. That's going to be much more difficult for your daughter though. Read the book "The 36 Hour Day" it really helped me.