Go Home Gone wrong

ClarkEb

have not posted for a while, spouse with moderate dementia, diagnosed two yeas ago. 11/6 somewhat normal day, trip to the store for bananas, daughter and grand kids visited to jump in leaf pile, spent more than normal amount of time out doors. had a great time. around 4PM I was taking the dog for pre dinner walk, when she announced she was going to walk home and prepare dinner for her parents. not unusual. I usually offer to drive her and we go for a ride and all is well. this time I thought I would walk along to see where she might go. headed for the main road, offered to drive, "no I know where I'm going". headed off across the open field behind our property. (property owned by people we know and field had recently been planted) offered again to go back to house and get car. "no, I know where I'm going, I'm not going back to THAT house". this changed to "don't keep following me". I explained that these homes belonged to "XXXXX" thought she might recognize the name. Didn't make a difference. "don't keep following me" May have been a mistake. family dog came out to greet us nicely, she has met the dog before. . She thought it was her dog. we got to the house in the far corner and proceeded to head into the woods to her house. I was able to get her turned around after cautioning her about the large ravine in the woods. and she reluctantly stared back to the our house (after offering a candid review of my behavior and unwillingness to risk going in the ravine). the owner came out and walked with us a while. she became distracted looking for rocks, her favorite activity. Daughter arrived about the time we got home. about a year and a half ago she started in the same direction, but it was cold and offering a ride worked. lesson learned: don't do that again. now I know where she may go if she was to ever get away. Question: suggestions on tactics (don't like that word) I could have used to distract her once she got on the property? I know telling her those weren't her/or her parents houses was wrong. I guess just any thoughts on the whole situation. Also, if there was a caregiver at the house and no family members present, how could a caregiver handle a situation like this. Thank you.

wizmo

Been there a few times, arguing, correcting, logical approach is useless. I try to offer something positive, company, a fillet that I was asked t came too for extra help when we get there. Intervene for safety so no falling ff cliffs or walking into traffic. Have a phone with you always to call for help, or have someone you can ext “call me” and say you are both needed back where you started or some different place to divert from the wrong direction. Sometimes just have to watch them fail for a bit and let the episode pass.

ButterflyWings

When we had the most scary "great escapes", my DH had a silent urinary tract infection (UTI). It can contribute to sudden extreme and negative behavior, with no other symptoms. Worth checking.

ClarkEb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/188107#Comment_188107

Thank you

ClarkEb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/188104#Comment_188104

Thank you. Family has set a code to text if situation warrants. Phone with me always. Notified the surrounding neighbors, several extended family. Spouse is a very determined individual, i have learned how determined as we progress. I guess the underlying question is, what if nothing had worked and she headed off into the woods? I was with her so i could have tried to intervene, however an attempt at physical restraint might have been a problem. Guess i was to focused to suggest “we were needed back where we started”, however when needing to leave, it is usually because “she cannot be here ay more”.. Old family home with to many memories, a clinic/school where everyone was making fun of her or she has to get home to care for her parents/feed her siblings/kids and/or get them ready for school. Usually we go by car, but this time i was curious as to where she would go and it backfired.

Joe C.

I used fiblets like; “I called and your parents are home right now, I’ll take you later/tomorrow” or “it’s going to rain soon, let’s wait until the weather clears”. Anything that would acknowledge her desire to go but put off going until later/tomorrow.