Don't Know what to do

brdy08

My mom has had Dementia for a few years now and it is overwhelming at times especially when she says things like I (her daughter) or my aunt (her sister) are trying to harm her when that is not true. She doesn't even remember my name or that I am her daughter but I know it is just the disease but it still affects me at times. I am having a hard time trying to find an adult day facility or home health care because of her insurance. She is a retired city employee and her insurance does not assist with adult day facilities. I don't want to send her to transitional living because that is my mom and I am her only child, she took care of me and I will her. The obstacle is that I have to work I am children also to provide for but I need somewhere or someone to be with her when I go to work. Most places to me to apply for Medicaid but she makes too much so they did not approve her. What do I do now? I need to work and putting my mom in a living facility to me is like throwing her away and this is just me feeling this way about my mom, everyone does what is needed for their parents whatever that might be and I respect it. But I don't want to send her away; I just need help. What do I do?

M1

Welcome to the forum. Very few people in this country can fund long-term care on their own and most people do have to apply for long-term Medicaid for this purpose. It's different from "regular" Medicaid for health insurance, so don't trust what you've been told; you need to talk to a certified elder law attorney (look at nelf.org for lists by location) for specific advice applicable to your state. There will be a way to qualify her, but how you handle her finances matters a lot. You may have to pay out of pocket for day programs or help at home in the interim, but you need the legal advice to be sure to handle it correctly.

brdy08

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/188403#Comment_188403

Thank you for the advice it is very helpful thank you again I really appreciate this

lunamossgirl

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67062/dont-know-what-to-do

We are in a similar situation with medicaid, parents make too much... ridiculous! They barely get by.

It's like you have to be living in a cardboard shack and not have any possessions to get medicaid for alzheimer's dementia.

My mom is at the point that care in a skilled facility is needed. Her condition in the last couple weeks went from somewhat manageable to bedridden and not sure if she's going to die any minute. Home hospice is a joke. We are all burnt out.

I work long hours overnights 4 days a week and just reduced my hours from 12 hour shifts to 10 due to this.

I know how you feel. Gotta pay bills and can't not work. Torn about care and not being able to get help or get her what she really needs. Family is all fighting now and it's insane.

Best of luck to you, this disease is horrible 😢