Im struggling...

jlaw1975

I feel like I'm drowning... I am my dad's caretaker. He has vd. I am grieving my life I left in Texas that I left in Feb. 2022 to take care of my dad in CA. I am having trouble just functioning day to day.

Anonymousjpl123

Definitely grieving the life you left behind is normal! You are not alone: we who get stuck in this role unexpectedly have this whole other life than what we thought we would. At least I do. I am working on rearranging my expectations and my care so I can find a “new normal.”

For me, I’ve started lap swimming at a local Y. Do you have anything like that you can do? Just one thing a day. Something to make you feel like you.

Caretaking is hard and all consuming, whether you are caring for someone at home or a facility.

SusanB-dil

Hi jlaw1975 - 'this' is all hard to handle, maybe especially since you've moved when you didn't really want to. And yes, our LO's can't even appreciate what we are doing, and that we've put our life on hold for them.

Is there any way you could move back to where you prefer, and move dad closer to you, where you'd prefer to be? Agree - do something for you, a walk, a gym, even the library for a while... Look into an adult daycare for at least 1 or more days a week, or a part-time help 1-2 days - so you can go do something for you.

2parents/brain change

Moving to care for a parent is very hard. My husband and I are living in Pittsburgh, PA, so that my spouse can bring his father's business to a dignified closure. My father in law is in memory care. We are not his main care givers, we have siblings doing that.

Never the less, we put our lives on hold to live in the house my inlaws owned while my husband works every day.

I have found if I don't care for myself resentment and all kinds of negative attitudes will move in! So I go out of my comfort zone and find places of interest to me, art museums, the Y, parks, libraries.

I hope you do care for yourself. It's a major sacrifice and it feels very lonely at times.

Hang in there!

J

JDancer

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I, too, grieve the loses brought by my DH's dementia. The book, "Ambiguous Loss,' helped me understand it.

M1

Jlaw, i wonder if speaking with a care consultant at the Alzheimer's association hotline would help you brainstorm about how to cope. It's free and 24/7-1-800-272-3900 i think (listed on this website).