Starting diagnosis process
Comments
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Welcome to the forum. It is very hard to have to take charge of a parent to whom you are used to deferring. But you need to.
First, he probably needs to be in memory care and not assisted living, it sounds like he needs a higher level of supervision than he is receiving.
I am not sure i see the point of pursuing an elaborate diagnostic workup at his age-to what end? If he has had head imaging and bloodwork, then treatable problems have been ruled out.
Take the checkbook away. I had to do this with my partner, who wrote thousands and thousands of dollars of checks to animal charities in the year or so before she went to memory care. i tore them up and took them out of the mail, and she never knew the difference. She also insisted on getting her bank statements, but couldn't read them. He could write away his life savings to an unscrupulous person who sees his checkbook. As you are the poa, you are obligated to act to preserve his assets.
Medications may help some with the delusions and anxiety. A geriatric psychiatrist may be of more help than a neurologist, but a good internist can also handle this.
Im sure others will chime in, this is a good place for advice and support.
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Please make certain that a diagnosis following protocol is made. You can Google this.
Then make certain all legal and financial matter are in order.
Then as far as communcating and gettign things done please keep in ming that approach is everything and that you have to be withing the 4 corners of your father's world now.
-Judith
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If he has assets, I see no reason for you to pay for furniture, groceries, etc. Sometimes it seems easier than possible arguments about how the money is being handled, but in the long run, PWD, usually don't know the difference.
I hope that doesn't sound too harsh. My comments are based on my own experiences, other may disagree.
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I think the chances of him doing any PT or OT exercises are slim. Forgive my bluntness here. I would put him in memory care and get a hospice consult and be sure geriatric psychiatry or someone who can prescribe medication can see him ASAP so he doesn’t get evicted from memory care. I would not pursue an aggressive medical evaluation as @M1 said. He’s 91 and has dementia and agitation with delusions. He has 1 trajectory at this point. I’m sorry. A physician needs to speak very honestly with your family in a care conference.
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Tell him that all banking is done online now.
Then, stop talking about money. Out of sight, out of mind. He will eventually forget. If the topic comes up, distract.
Iris
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I'd tell him you are working on getting him out. Find the right therapeutic fibs. You will look into a place down south. You will arrange a move when the weather is better or when you have a break from work or after the grandkids birthday. Validate his concerns and requests, fib, re-direct to something else. Repeat. I know it's exhausting. Arguing that you didn't steal land won't help. His ability to process the logic of why that's incorrect is gone. You may just have to apologize or say you won't do it again. Whatever you can to kick that can down the road until he loses more memory and stops asking about his land or finances. Also consult his physician, it could be a medication would tamp down his anxiety. Most PWD are on something for mood/behavior. I probably wouldn't bother with diagnosing at his age unless there are red flags for something out of the ordinary like Lewy Body dementia or similar, but it doesn't sound like it. You would put him through a lot (and make him resent you) and there wouldn't be much doctors could do any differently for him once he is diagnosed. At his age he is likely to decline quickly from dementia. I'd focus on getting through this delusional phase in one piece without him blowing his money and see what the next phase brings. It's so hard, I know. You and your sister have to let it roll off, hard as it is.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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