Venting

NUMber2

It's been 4 months since my mom moved here to my neck of the woods. She moved away from her home of 40 years, her things, her friends, the sunshine, warmth and the ocean. She was worried that when the time came, when dementia was in full swing and she was stuck in SC, she would be all alone. Yet, she's so very unhappy here!!! She cries almost everyday. Her depression is getting worse and her dementia symptoms are increasing. She asked my brother, who lives in SC, if he would take care of her if she moved back home and he said NO he can't because he has to work. She feels like a piece of trash- discarded. She loves me but she hates me right now because she associates her new situation with me. Yet she doesn't want to be without me... she's scared. I'm retired, I could go back to her house and stay for a month or two but my husband isn't keen on that. He sees her as cognitively incapable 90% if the time. He says she can never go back home. I think he's wrong- well.... on her good days he's wrong.

Quilting brings calm

You have to pick the appropriate care level for her bad days, not her good days. You have to pick the appropriate location that puts her in proximity to the family member that will advocate for her. That appears to be you, not your brother. That doesn’t mean that the care has to be 24:7 in your home. If your mom is living with you, I suggest placement where she can be surrounded by others on her level and has activities to keep her busy and provide companionship.

It takes several months for anyone to adjust to a move/ longer for dementia patients it certainly did my parents.

My parents doctor told me that I wasn’t going to be able to make them happy - and that the important thing from now on was to keep them safe. That’s my mantra.

NUMber2

Why does this have to be so hard?

SusanB-dil

We all agree with that one - 'this' IS hard!! also frustrating, maddening, etc...

quiltingbc is correct, though, you need to look at the bad days as the decision-maker.

Check with her doctor on something for depression. Sertraline helped my MIL quite a bit. Also tell doc about maybe something for agitation.

Check into a local adult daycare. Maybe 1-3 days a week might help, and would also give you a respite break.

NUMber2

She does not live with us. My marriage could not handle that stress unfortunately. It was suggested that we hire someone to come in once a day to keep her company but that's hard for me to accept because she's already in an AS facility. But in the end,as "quilting" stated, I can't make her happy. It doesn't mean I won't try. It just means I can't lose it when I fail. Or should I say, when it doesn't come to fruition. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you folks! I hope a "cure" exists by the time my children grow old.