Mom thinks she still works - she doesn't.

shengstenberg

First- THANK YOU for any response.

I am the eldest daughter, and my father is the primary caregiver of my Mom who has been officially diagnosed with Amnestic MCI (doc suspects we are heading into early stage AD.)

Mom is starting a new trend of getting ready for work each morning and telling my Dad that she is going into the office, for a job she retired from 3+ years ago. This has happened twice this week so far that I know of. His response to her has created a few blow up's between them.

Her decline has been severe in the past 3-4 months.

My Dad needs ideas (or the best one) to respond well to her. He has tried reminding her that she is retired (not working because she doesn't want to be retired and gets VERY angry about it). She is no longer allowed to drive, so I suggested he let her try to find the keys, (which she might do for a while and then get either side-tracked or frustrated,) or fib a little and tell her that while she was getting ready they called and she doesn't have to go in today. This morning she took the house keys and tried to start the car. Pretty soon after she came back in the house she forgot what happened.

My Dad is learning a whole new skill set to manage her emotions and responses. Sometimes he tries to remind, which we know isn't working. He wants the "best" response that will work, but I think he is going to have to try a few different options.

Any ideas?

Thank you!

Quilting brings calm

I think the fiblet of telling her they called and told her to take the day off is good. Make up a story about a pipe bursting and water damage, which will take time to fix.

scoutmom405

My FIL does this about once a month. He retired in 2004 & in 2009 the building was demolished. Officers club on base.

I go with they're closed today. He said they called me in for the party. I said they meant tomorrows party. Then I asked him to tell me what his work responsibilities were. He told me. He seems less agitated when I go along with it. First time I tried reminding him he was retired, he was adamant he was not.

M1

Would it work to tell her she can work from home today?

Emily 123

Hi there,

If this seems new and sudden, see if she has a UTI...it might not be, but might be worth checking for.

Like others I've had success kind of going along with my mom's train of thought but then doing a diversion that makes sense to her. You might find something that works every time for a specific thought pattern your mom's having, and for others you might not ever stumble into a fiblet that truly diverts her. I used to wonder sometimes why my mom would buy my fiblet one day and not the next, but I think it's the variability of the disease in the earlier stages. Some days the wiring must be more connected than others.

You know your mom's memory has regressed at least 3 years. Is there something your dad does as part of a morning routine or is there something in the environment that might cue her to think 'work'? Like maybe there's a different cadence to a weekend? If there is, could he do the weekend routine and tell her it's Saturday to divert her, or is she too alert for that? Sometimes there's a visual cue and if you can remove it that might help.