Patient will not shower

Stilliywilly

My LO is in memory care. He will not shower. It's been 3 months, and no shower. He won't leave his room. If he gets rattled, he mutters over and over, "God, please let me die."

M1

Welcome to the forum. I can relate--my partner is in MC coming up on two years. I can get her to shower about once a week, but she will only let me help her, no one else. Can you get him to take sponge baths, or wipe off with quick wipes? One thing that has helped us recently--the head nurse gave us an old towel warmer--this one is from Brookstone, but there are lots of other brands on Amazon--and she absolutely loves the warm towels and I put her bathrobe in it too.

So sorry you are facing this. Some adjust to MC and some have a hard time. My partner is a lifelong introvert and loner and not one whit interested in games/activities. She will socialize with some of the staff, but not with other residents. Interestingly, she can tell who has dementia and who does not, which I find quite interesting, since she herself is well into stage 6 at this point.

jfkoc

A difficult situation for you and your loved one.

I would have a chat with his PCP regarding drugs.What is being given and what are possible changes.

I would then go over exactly what staff is doing to lure him/her into a shower. It is likely that that is where the problem lies with both the bathing and leaving the room.

Staff usually has little to no training for actually helping a person with Demetia. Ask what the specific training is for new staff as well as on going. If you ask them if they follow Naomi Feil and they say who you know they are not trained. Same goes for asking about Teepa Snow.

CaliforniaGirl-1

First of please reassure yourself that this is very, very common. Sometimes the PWD thinks they shower every day as they always did and get insulted and sometimes the sound of the running water is frightening. And of course having other people wash you feels humiliating and intrusive.

My LO does this and when they were just in a SNF the caregivers kept saying, "Can't you persuade them?" And my answer is "No, I can't. Trust me I have tried. It just turns into an upsetting argument." Luckily the MC has a couple of people who can persuade and help my LO. But even then it sometimes takes a few days of trying.

What help us was decoupling showering from washing hair and adjusting our expectations for how often do they need a shower. Because it is upsetting for them. Our MC has a hairdresser who comes in and my LO goes there every week to get their hair shampooed and blown out. It feels like a treat and they enjoy it and it makes the showers less traumatic.

But if you search back, you will see that you are definitely not alone in this.

JJ401

Have you checked out the shower room? At the first (awful) memory care my mother-in-law was at, she refused to shower. When I saw it, I realized why. It was freezing cold. You could feel the cold when you walked by. They turned off the heat if it was not in use and when turned on it did not warm up much.

Family got her moved to another memory care with a much warmer shower area. She was still reluctant to shower, but staff could talk her into it.